2017 for me was the year where it felt like everything changed, people changed around me and maybe even more surprisingly it was the year I changed. I finally got the trip of a lifetime to New York, my confidence grew more than I ever thought it would and it was a year that made me realise more than just a few things about myself.
So I thought it would be fun & interesting to do a reflection post on what 2017 was like for me. Personally I love these posts, a lot can happen in a whole 365 days so I guess we better get started. I'm going to split this post into three sections, work, life & play otherwise if I reflected on every single thing I went through this year then we might just be here wayyyyy into next year too. Don't worry, I won't bore you all with that.
Work:
Okay so as you all probably know by now I still don't have a job, I wish I did for the fact I wouldn't be so poor all the time but I don't. This is something that didn't change in 2017, I tried, I mean I really tried but it seemed like every place I applied too wanted experience which was exactly what I was trying to get. Still it was no's all round, in hindsight could I balance my degree with a job? no probably not, I honestly don't know how other people do it because I'm so unorganised I generally think I wouldn't be able to cope. Still that doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying for one in the holidays, interning is definitely something I'm going to do in 2018- I need experience in the fashion field like asap.
I guess the work section for me is mainly just about uni and how that's going. Truth is I have at least 5 breakdowns a week, I must question why the hell I'm even on my degree course at least once a day and I'm feeling the pinch of the bitch student loan, but at the end of it all I love what I do and I couldn't see myself doing anything else. Yes there are tears, yes I have days where I completely hate what I'm doing but I get through it all. Yesterday I spent 6 hours working on Photoshop which may sound like hell to some people but to me it wasn't, I loved it, no I'm not going to lie I would have liked to have been able to binge watch TV all day instead but I didn't mind spending my day doing that. 2017 was and is probably the year I realised what I really want to do with my life and where I want to take this degree, 2018 is going to be the year I really work my ass off to make it happen. It's scary to think I'm half way through my degree and even scarier to think from now on everything I do is going to count in the long run, so maybe it's time I started acting like it. Going to New York last January made me realise what life could be, that could be where I end up living, that's what dreams are made off. But dreams will only ever stay dreams unless you decide to do something about it.
Blog wise it was the year I paid so much more time and energy into the content I make, I wanted it to reflect me and although it's not entirely where I want it to be just yet, I'm well on track and I think that should be something to be celebrated. My blog, is my space and I freaking love it. I say this all the time but my blog is the one place where I feel completely and utterly myself or the person I want to be. Which is why I'm branching out... YouTube, from next Tuesday I'm intending to post weekly YouTube videos as well as blogging which is SO scary but at the same time really exciting. For years I have thought about it and for years I have said no, but the only reason I've been saying no is because I was scared of what other people would think but really should that stop me? Should the opinions of others make you miss out on the one thing that maybe you should have always been doing? I'm not saying I'm meant to do YouTube, it probably won't work out at all but at least I'll have tried. Maybe at the least I'm meant to give it a try.
Life:
Socially 2017 was my year, suddenly people actually wanted to be friends with me which is the first time I've felt like that since primary school. Uni is still one of the best decisions I made, I love every single friend I have made there and I generally have forgotten what life was like without them in it. First year was a whirlwind in the best possible way, partying became my scene and somehow I still managed to achieve a 2:1 for it. So I'm happy. I guess I'm saying I realised more than any other year who my friends, I became better friends with them and lost the people I no longer needed in my life. It's kinda sad because most of my friends from school and I no longer speak, I probably could count on one hand who I still talk to but thats okay. We didn't end badly or anything we just drifted apart.
Love wise well yeh it's still the same, I'm still the same. I guess when the time is right hey, lol that should really be the story of my life. For the first time this year I knocked down several walls relationship wise, at the end of it I'm still single but I've learnt a lot about myself. For starters how can I learn to be happy in a relationship if I'm not happy single and these last few months especially was and has been the first time I was ever truly happy being single. Sometimes it is a scary thought thinking I'll be alone forever, I hope that's not the case but if it is then at least I know how to have a good time. A few nights ago I went to see 'The Greatest Showman' movie and honestly I have never been given goosebumps by a movie before, every second, every song, I was sat there entranced by the whole thing- I want to see it again already! Basically it was a tale of love stories, but each love story was seeking the approval of others 'the noblest's art is that making other happy', only you learnt in the film that you don't have to make everyone happy only the select few that you love, once they're happy that should be all you ever need. Which is true. I have wasted years just trying to get that approval from everyone when really I only want it from the people I love. I may have not found love in 2017, but I got somewhere close and between that I learnt a lot about love.
Play:
This year was the year I finally got into working out, for the first time in my life I actually enjoyed it. I don't know what it is but when I'm running on that cross trainer it just feels like all my worries are made clear in my head. It feels like it's the only place I can ever truly breathe. It's weird to say it like that but I can't describe it any other way, it just makes me happy. I think because of this I accepted myself for me for the first time, for years I hated who I was & what I looked like. I'm not pretty like the other girls, I'm not an expert when it comes to my makeup, I don't know how to flirt & I don't wear pretty girly dresses. For the first time in my life 2017 was the year I realised what it means to be me and I love that, yes I'm accepting the fact I'm a little weird, my dress sense is probably not to everyone's liking and my face well it's the only one I have so I'm just going to have to learn to love it. Getting my nose pierced this year was massive and it was definitely the start of a change for me, since then I've become so much more bolder and daring with my makeup & outfits, I've lost interest in what other people think of me and have just focused on me for once. My style is still changing but I love who I am now and I love everyone who made me who I am- a year ago I would not have been saying that. My confidence is growing day by day and I could not be happier than right here, right now.
I travelled to new and old places this year, new was New York in January which can only ever be described as a dream come true and old was La Palma in Summer break which was weird. It was weird to go back to the place I went before everything socially changed for the worst but then to return agin this year where socially everything had changed for the better. I guess I did the full circle at that place. Being on a student budget means I don't get to travel as much as I'd like to but the day trips I've taken have been fun this year, Liverpool, London & good old Skeggy. There are a lot of things that make me smile but being on that cold, windy beach in Skegness watching Willow running along the sand is one of the most cherished. For me it hold memories of Poppy too, who I guess even though she died 2 years ago last November she's still there in our hearts.
Overall 2017 wasn't a bad year for me by any means, yes I didn't win the lottery but I didn't even enter so you can't expect to win it if you're not even in it. Going forward into 2018 I'm determined to make it my year. No more holding back. 'A million dreams are keeping me awake, a vision of the world we're gonna make, a million dreams is all it's gonna take' Yes I'm obsessed with 'The Greatest Showman!
Hope you've all enjoyed this post.
What was the one thing that made your 2017?
Take care & I'll see you all Monday, it feels so odd to not be daily blogging anymore can you believe New Year is Monday like wow!
X
Images: Own
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