'it's 2020 Bish'

Okay ummm how is it 2020 already [a massive Happy New Year to all], I can literally remember 2010 like it was yesterday and now it's last decade. Oh wow time has flown by!

As per usual I thought I'd share my New Year resolutions with you all, my mindset fo the year/decade ahead, and the goals I want to set myself. So let's begin. 

Eat Clean. 

Every year without fail I set myself some form of 'lose weight goal' and pretty much it fails by end of January. 2019 my weight changed a lot, I lost pretty much a stone and a half, although I feel I'll never be happy in the weight I am, I am determined to make healthier food choices where I can this year. A lot of my weight loss was due to clean, protein based meals- a lot of vegetables, so I can noticeably see the difference when I eat clean!! That being said I love my chocolate too much so treats will still be enjoyed nevertheless so don't worry!

Make Sensible Fashion Choices.

I love clothes, I love shopping, I love trends and how style evolves, but I have realised that I need to make myself more picky when it comes to what I buy. If I can't see myself wearing it more than 10 times then I'm not buying it. Having studied fashion and working in a fashion retailer I would say I'm more aware of trends than most but I need to be careful which trends I buy into, some are for a few weeks whereas some can last years. Think ahead!



Put Time into What Makes You Feel Good.
Self care had a bit of a moment last year, in my final year of my degree I think I appreciated the 'downtime' I set aside for myself. It's okay to want to achieve big things but you need to give yourself moments to breathe. A simple nail appointment, face mask, tanning session can work wonders. If you feel good then confidence and energy comes from within.



Invest in Creative Passions that Lead to Opportunities.
Yes I am still an unemployed graduate, well I'm employed but I'm not in my grad job as of yet. 2020 this IS going to change. I can't deny it's painful getting rejection after rejection from applications, I know it's dented my confidence because now when I apply to companies I almost expect to get a no. This year [well decade] I want to invest more time & energy into my creative passions, like this blog, my YouTube, my graphic design account. I enjoy them all, it's important to continue developing my creative abilities because that's my passion and it will be my career but I just need to join the dots in-between in the meantime.

Take the Positives More.
Growing up I was always laughing and smiling, entering teenage years I guess this changed, life felt tough and focusing on the positives didn't feel like it'd solve anything. This year I'm changing my mantra, positive attitude attracts positive things, as hard as it is, I'm going to try my hardest to not to dwell on the bad stuff and focus on the good. Hopefully it pays off.

Push Myself Outside my Comfort Zone.
Trust my instincts but don't don't let them stop myself from growth, nothing comes from staying inside your comfort zone. Embrace new things and make the most of it. 2019 I definitely did things I NEVER thought I could & it paid off, I'm not quite where I want to be just yet but I can feel myself getting closer to that point.



Network.
Within any industry it helps to know people but in fashion oh boi you really need to know people. I want to use who I already know to help grow my network, collaborating more with others and learning from what other people know. 

Stop Putting Things Off.
Okay so I could always do them tomorrow but why not do it today? Unless I have an actual reason, do things today instead of tomorrow. 



Keep Myself Busy.
If the past 6 months have taught me anything it's that I need to keep myself busy, I need to have plans even if all it involves is depop organising or dog walking or wardrobe clear outs. I need to wake up knowing something that I have to do in the day ahead otherwise I just feel nothing, it's weird to explain it just helps me feel normal. I don't miss having so many stressful uni deadlines but I miss constantly having things to do.

Visit Somewhere New Once Every Month.
This can be a new cafe, city or country. I always want to travel more but realistically on my budget it's not always 'do able' but I want to visit new cities in the UK this year and I am desperate to go to America again. So lets hope I stick to this one!

Andddddd that's pretty much it. 
2020 is the year I'm going to focus on achieving my own personal goals both physically, mentally & within my career. 2019 was a incredible year after all this girl achieved her First Class Honours from university, yet equally there were so many points in both the beginning & later months of 2019 where I felt so lost. I think I focused so much on what grade I wanted to achieve that when I achieved it and finished my degree was like wow now what? I definitely discovered strength & weaknesses last year, and to make sure I'm keeping myself mentally healthy I need to keep a schedule & make time for myself. 2019 was by far not an easy ride, this time last year I was sat in a hospital bed with so many uncertainties ahead. I am proud of what I achieved last year and it for sure made me realise goals I want to achieve both short and long term. I no doubt 2020 will not be easy but it's here, there's no escaping so we've just got to make the best of it. 

xxx

"Well that is the job of an intern?!"

The fashion world can be massively competitive, bitchy and bloody tough to crack, but no matter what the horror stories I've heard in the past, I was and still am massively determined to give it bloody everything I have. It took years to figure out my niche and a degree to hold it all in place, for me finding out I had a month's long internship with a brand I've not only followed for years but who I personally love aesthetic wise- I thought that everything was falling into place.

With less than a week left, and September dawning I kinda thought you know what I'll share my experience. An experience it was indeed.

For me I live in what feels like the middle of nowhere, okay so maybe technically it's not quite as remote as I make out but fashion wise, it might as well be a tiny field on a remote island, I always knew relocating would be a necessity as much as a desire. Manchester or London (or NYC one day) realistically they're the places I'll have to go. For this specific internship London came calling, an actual dream come true; my room is bliss, I love the bright buzz of the city and having everything I thought I could possibly ever need a few tube stops away, it really did feel perfect! Whilst the daily tube commute isn't the most luxurious, deep down I didn't mind it because I thought this was it, my very first crack into industry barely two weeks after graduation.

Looking back at the past 3 going on 4 weeks is a weird mix of emotions, part of me feels proud- living in London knowing very few people is daunting for anyone and it's something I never truly thought I'd do especially not at the age of 22. And the other part of me feels like a very, very tiny fish in a very big pond. I knew industry was always going to be a big step from university, everyone within the industry relies on tasks being completed promptly within an extremely, fast paced environment- it's tough. Mentally damn it was tough. Whilst I am incredibly grateful for the experience I honestly don't think I've ever felt as inadequate as I have recently. It had me questioning everything; did I do the right degree, will I ever make it in this cut throat industry and most importantly I questioned my own creative abilities. I felt like nothing and no one surrounded by people who were somebody's going places. I am not slating the company I interned for or any of the people I've met along the way but it was an eye opening experience, more than I ever expected it to be. I know the phrase everyone has to start somewhere but I just didn't expect this.

Obviously the job role intern comes with crappy tasks making you question why you're even there in the first place, with only my tube expenses paid for, I am not going to lie financially interning is tough alone. Working for free with a degree qualification is quite demoralising, I am a strong believer that over 20 years old you should be paid at least the minimum wage for any internship, it's free labour and quite frankly it's not fair. Fair enough from a business perspective I get hiring interns and paying them could be risky but realistically how do companies expect people to support themselves and gain highly requested industry experience without a wage? I know I knew all of this when I accepted the internship, I choose & kinda agreed to the not being paid contract but when you're doing the same long hours and gruelling tasks it kinda makes you & your work feel worthless.

I don't hate my internship, but I really don't love it like I imagined I would. I still like the company, the people were friendly most of the time with a few exceptions, but besides the feeling of being inadequate, I just found it boring. Like I even feel bad typing that right now- should I even say that? But it's true. Whilst I love Pinterest, personally I don't want to be sat scrolling more 7 hours or more a day on it, creating styling boards that don't even really get consider- it just felt like I was wasting my time for my creative eye to not even be given a chance. Speaking of time, there just wasn't enough to fill my day, I am one of those people who likes to be busy and whilst I did have a few days where I didn't really stop especially when it came to organising shoot products. Generally it felt like I was watching the clock- counting down the hours till I could leave but surely thats not right I'm in the industry I want my career in I shouldn't be clock watching or counting the days till the weekend.

I was hired as a photography intern, and whilst I knew there was going to be parts that were going to be dull, I just didn't expect the entire 3 weeks to feel like that. Shoot days granted they go quicker, but I couldn't help but feel like a spare part, surrounded by creative people doing creative things and what was I doing, the boring typical tea/coffee duties, hoovering, steaming and organising lunch. I mean that's not what I signed up for. Fair enough I know you have to start from the bottom but it felt pointless and underwhelming, my favourite one liner from my experience has been "well that is the job of an intern" but why should it be. Yes this was a learning experience, and yes that is the purpose of interning and yes I have realised I want the exact opposite to what I just interned in. I am creative, I want to be creative, physically making creative things. I want to be the one designing cool graphics or taking cool shots on shoot, creating something that's mine not something that I have to give credit to someone else for. I've met a lot of self-righteous people lately who seem to think because I didn't go to a London uni or because I did a more general fashion covered degree that I'm less of a creative, my creative opinion didn't count for anything and I hated that.

Yes I am grateful for the experience, but I will be finishing this coming Thursday with the knowledge that I definitely don't want to intern again in what I just have done. I will be looking for more hands on creative experiences from now on so I guess it's taught me something. I don't think interning will get any easier, networking is key but I wasn't myself here, I dreaded my alarm going off in the morning not because of the 6am start but the purpose didn't make it worthwhile, I felt like I faded into the background, whilst I wanted the contacts I didn't feel worthy enough to have them. I was paranoid that my work wasn't good enough and honestly their is nothing more kick in the teeth than feeling undervalued.

I am aware that I need more industry experience, and whilst this experience has made me feel about 10cm tall I will be putting myself out there to more creative experiences, maybe I'll just put the empathsis more on being the creative next time. 

XXX

diss over n out

Woweeeeee what a day it has been. Today the 20th May 2019 or a few days ago as you're reading this is the day I submitted my dissertation and concluded 50% of my degree. Oh my days where has the past three years gone. It feels like only yesterday I was finishing my Art Foundation and now I've nearly completed an actual degree like okay someone pass me the pornstar martini already. Education is almost over and as of the 31st May I will be a free girl. Unbelievably scary but at the same time I can't help but get excited. 

I have loved uni, never thought I would but honestly it has been the best three years of my life; the laughs, the friends and the memories. There has been ups and downs and a whole lot of stress along the way but it has been more worthwhile then I'll ever know. As a final year and soon to be graduate going into the real world, it all seems a very daunting place, everywhere I go I get the same question 'so whats your plans for after uni' and if I'm honest every time I answer something completely different. Travelling one minute, freelance the next, committing to an actual 9-5 job might be slightly more believable but who knows. The truth is I know I'm well and truly done with education, the second I get an email about a MA course I'm like nope no thank you into the trash you go. As much as I love uni I do feel ready to leave, it's not that I haven't enjoy almost every day here (because I have) but I just feel ready to move onto something new, discover a new place,  do crazy creative things. Even as a child I was always crazily ambitious, whilst friends wanted to achieve more normal jobs never really leaving where they've grown up, I just knew that wasn't for me. I want to see the world, I want to work hard but also play hard and I want to achieve things I'm proud of, that's not me being cocky that's just me saying you only get one shot at life as cliche as that sounds but damn I'm gonna try my hardest to actually get somewhere. 

My parents gave me everything I could have ever needed growing up, they never left me wanting anything, some might say that spoilt others might disagree, my parents taught me that if i want something so badly then I have to work for it because then you'll appreciate it more knowing you did that. But my parents have never been happy in their jobs, I wouldn't say they were ever completely unhappy but it didn't make them want to get out of bed in the morning lets put it like that. For me that has always been my motivation, I don't want to look back in 50 years time and think oh I wish I'd have tried that or travelled there or taken that opportunity because those kind of things don't come around twice. Sometimes you've just got to go with your gut. I was talking to someone I worked with once and he said he was just waiting around for the dream job, but that might never come around and you might end up staying somewhere that just puts the coin into your bank constantly waiting around- is that really what you want to achieve? Whilst the dream job probably is out there, chances of stumbling upon it are about as likely as winning the lottery- never say never but never can be a long time to wait. I guess what I'm saying is the dream job might not happen but you can make sure you get somewhere bloody close. Sometimes things that were never planned actually actually turn out to be a 1000 times better anyway.

For the past year I have done a topic about a 'spontaneous heart' and whilst I was figuring out ways to reach my consumer it also got me thinking. Maybe I should be more spontaneous, celebrate the opportunities. Share the things your proud of, celebrate what you've achieved, go to new places despite not knowing where on earth you might end up and just live in the moment. Do it for you. In a weird way I feel like my life has been on pause for the past three years, whilst I have learnt so much, met so many amazing crazy people (hopefully friends for life) and pushed myself beyond everything I'd ever known before. In someway I feel I haven't completely gone with the flow because it felt like I had a responsibility to do what I came for, get a degree. But you leave with so much more. Your twenties should be reckless, change what you don't like, work hard, travel but also remember to breathe and take it all in. You thirties and beyond should follow suit, there is no set age to do things before, so just go with it and see where you end up. So I guess the next time someone asks me about future plans I'm not going to be afraid to turn around and admit to not having plans, I want to enjoy the tomorrow but maybe work on today first. Maybe for girl who dreams of living in a city where 'dreams are made', saving for a plane ticket is the answer. 

XXX

Well it's been one hell of a journey

Bet you actually can't believe you're reading this, I mean I actually can't believe I'm writing this. Not even joking blogger had to check who I was when I opened it just now and if that's not a sign of where the hell have you been then I don't know what is. My last post was August and SO much has changed since then it's crazy! I started my final year of uni (sobs loudly), picked a dissertation topic (finally), started working on a Live Levi's brief (ultimate dream), laughed a lot, cried a lot (I'll get into it), it's well and truly been a whirlwind. For months I haven't felt like sitting down to write and now I finally have it's just made me realise what a rollercoaster journey the last 10 month have been. So if you're willing to give this girl who has severely missed blogging another shot then read on to discover where exactly I've been (be warned tissues are probably going to be needed).

Okay so where to start. 

I guess lets go back to September. Oh my days that feels like a lifetime ago, honestly I started third year a different person to who I am now (also feel like I've aged about 10 years). September came around quicker than I could say dessert menu, suddenly it was time to pick a dissertation topic that 3 months earlier I had no idea about. Somehow this completely single probably most un-destined girl to be in a relationship girl you know did her dissertation on dating and wowwwwww I have loved every second of it. I may not be experienced in physical dating but I've had my fair share of online dating dead ends believe me. And I guess for a girl who grew up dreaming of a Disney fantasy the idea that love and romance does actually still exist kinda had me hooked so I just ran with it and my litle baby for the last year, Squeeze was born. 

October brought new job opportunities that my 15 year old self would have fainted with shock over. Yes a became a Topshop girl or basically somewhere close. I was employed by the fashion company Daisy Street to supervise the stocking of their collection within my local Topshop whilst working hours on the Topshop floor as well. It was a bittersweet opportunity, for years I wanted to be a Topshop girl and when it happened it made me wonder why. It also made this girl realise she wanted a career rather than just a job, not that there's anything wrong with working in a shop it just made me realise I needed something more than that. Truth was I found the whole thing boring, I was counting the seconds of every shift and it just wasn't what I thought it would be. I will be forever grateful for the opportunity from both Daisy Street and Topshop because it taught me two very important things. One not everything you dreamed of works out the way you wanted and two everything happens for a reason. For me I think I needed this job to understand how badly I want to work in fashion but to understand life is what you make it, if you want something so bad then it's only you who can change the situation you are in. 

We'll skip a few months

January omg wow this was the month where everything came together but also everything fell apart, I have truly never experienced such a low in my life as I did in January. January 9th 2019 was one of the worst days of my life, I woke up in such severe pain that lead to an emergency hospital admission and a very long, tearful waiting game. I had to have an emergency operation to remove something that had grown surprisingly big causing me to spend a week in hospital and left me feeling utterly broken. It caused me to cancel my NYC trip, miss weeks of university and basically turned me into someone who would cry on the daily. Honestly even writing this now makes me feel emotional because exactly 5 months ago to the day I was in one of the lowest points of my life and today I have been given the all clear. I know people suffer with worst and I can't even believe how strong those people are because they are honestly such a huge inspiration. I was tested beyond everything I'd possibly known, got tested for some very scary things that I never expect to be tested for at the age of 21 and honestly it gave me the biggest reality check of my life. I am unbelievably grateful to all my family and friends who supported me through it all- honestly that's what got me through it. But I am also proud of myself because through all of that I kept going, there were moments when I really didn't think I could but it wasn't until someone said to me 'that you only get the things in life that you are able to deal with' and that really stuck with me. Only 5 weeks after it happened I was presenting to Levis despite my parents and doctors telling me to take it easy. But I learnt a lot about myself, I learnt I was so much stronger than I ever knew, and my motivations got so much clearer. I was more determined to prove everyone wrong, I wasn't going to fall behind at uni because deep down doing coursework kept my sanity. I still get sad but it made me realise to not take things for granted as cliche as that sounds because I generally never thought I'd have been waking up one morning in the worst pain of my life completely out of the blue. But I did. It happened so appreciate the today. 

Moving on

February saw my work feature on Graduate Fashion Week's instagram page and I will never forget the smile that gave me. It came at one of my lowest times and reminded me that hard work does pay off so keep going because you've got this. 

April brought me confidence. I presented in a second year lecture- who, what even am I?  Doing this made me not even recognise myself, in first year this would have been my worst nightmare yet third year me did that like what. Confidence also came in the form of a job interview in a dream city that made life after university feel not far away at all. 

May 7th this girl finished her dissertation and sent it to the printers. It was both a massive relief and kinda surreal to know that something I've loved, stressed, hated and cried over for months is nearly over. It also means my degree is coming to a close, I don't even know where the last 3 years have gone like how am I in my final term of final year. But here I am. Still laughing, somewhat more tired, more emotional and hopefully more wiser I got here 3 years later. It's not over yet I still have sketchbooks to complete, a printed dissertation to collect and hand in plus a very scary but exciting brief for Levi's to finish and present. It's gonna be a hectic fews weeks indeed.

But if the last 10 months have taught me anything it's that there will be bumps in the road and nothing is plain sailing but only the things worth doing are some of the hardest, most emotional to achieve. The celebrations will be needed at the end trust me. So I guess this is me and the last 10 months in brief- it's been one hell of a journey. If you'd have told me this time last year that all of this crazy stuff would happen then I probably would never have believed you. So stick around because this girl & her slightly forgotten but still loved blog is back in town and you're not going to want to miss a thing. 

xxx

Clearly clueless

It has been a while since I last posted... life got hectic very quickly, suddenly I was drowning in presentation after presentation, I had a truck load of sketchbook work that needed attention and I really had no motivation to sit down & write. 

I've always said this blog has never been something I wanted to become a chore to do, writing to me feels like nothing else, it's like when I put my thoughts on the page everything honestly becomes clearer than it ever could in my head. With this blog fast approaching that what feels unreal 50K mark, I didn't want my content to not mean anything any more. I started this because I wanted to, because to me having this space made that huge dream of writing for The NY Times or magazines such as i-D or Dazed feel that bit more achievable. So when I suddenly felt uninspired by everything happening in my life the last thing I wanted to do was sit down and type. But I'm back. Still with that truck load of work trailing slowly behind me but feeling somewhat more 'me' and motivated for this place again. I'm going to say this now... I probably won't be back consistently but I think writing my thoughts on here might just save me in the stressful deadline months to come. 

I would say I'm 'Clearly Clueless' in a LOT of things, being 20 definitely doesn't make you not make mistakes believe me! Life let's face it needs a clueless reaction sometimes, after all we're only human, cheesy I know but it doesn't matter if you make mistakes what matters is how you overcome them. I am that friend who gets asked a lot for advice, obviously I give my opinion but I can't help but think 'I'm clueless in that why ask me?'. But today it dawned on me that just because you're clueless in something doesn't mean you don't have the right to say what you think, sometimes you need that clueless point of view for everything to properly make sense. 

Right before this Easter break we were given our scariest brief yet, perhaps one I've never been more clueless about... a report on 2 possible final year dissertation ideas and I'm internally screaming not going to lie. I don't feel ready for something that seems so serious, I'm clueless in what I want to do... suddenly that cap and gown day feels scarily close. Whilst to graduate and to hopefully work successfully in the magazine field is still my dream, it's frightening to think how fast it's approaching. I feel like I just want to press pause on the whole uni experience, I love the uni bubble more than I ever thought I possibly could, it really is like having the best of both worlds between home & uni. Yes there are times where I have to live off pesto pasta because thats about all I can afford and although I love my course it generally makes me question my sanity when I end up spending hours perfecting a sketchbook page or an indesign layout. But I wouldn't change a thing. Not the people, not the course, not the partying, not any of it, well maybe the debt but thats about all. Uni for me is that one place where I don't feel clueless, it feels like I have my little indecisive life somewhat slightly organised in a dysfunctional way. It makes me feel happy. 

So maybe I'm not as clueless as I first thought, maybe I shouldn't panic. Yes third term starts in 2 weeks and I know it'll be hella stressful... don't even get me started on third year. But at the end of it all I shouldn't be clueless, I've done the studying, I've attended almost all the lectures (it wasn't me it was the vodka lemonade) I am getting there, I know I am. I know what I want to achieve so guess you could argue I'm really not that clueless at all. Maybe a little unsure but right now it feels like the most clueless thing about me is my dress sense (yes that outfit above was entirely inspired by the film & Lissy Roddy's insta). There isn't anything clueless about that.

Stick around because I am getting my schedule back on track, so see you Friday for more clueless ramblings.

XOX

Images: All my own.

Something Blue

If you read my previous post you'll know that this last week was our colour film project, and it actually went really well. We did originally struggle with deciding on a concept because it's hard to go from being briefed to brainstorming to filming in the space of 3 days, but that's something as creative individuals we have to just learn to get good at. I wouldn't say idea generation is my strong point like I do get good ideas but I can't do them quickly for me it takes time, I also still struggle with the fear of sounding stupid which that statement alone sounds stupid. I think we all agreed that our concept wasn't the strongest, if we'd have had longer to do the task we'd go with a concept that we all really loved, but the main thing is that we've learnt a lot from this for our fashion film brief.

Time scale wise that wasn't possible to spend I long time on the idea, we had to work fast.

We came up with the concept of 'Something Blue' which is based around the idea of a wedding day, obviously it's seen as tradition to wear something blue for luck, as well as having something old and new. We thought it was a cute concept and one that would be quite simple to achieve but will hopefully be effective to see. However... umm filming didn't quite go to plan, it just didn't look how we wanted it to, the time we were filming outside meant that we struggled with the exposure brightness levels so everything just ended up looking really white. So we went back to the drawing board, quite literally. As a back up we had a stop motion idea of drawing out a wedding day from going into church to driving off as newly weds in the car. It was a fun idea to do, gave me chance to get back into drawing after a good year of barely doing any, in a way it showed me how much I missed it. Okay so it took a long time to do but we worked well as a team, pulled together and made sure that everyone had a role and input. 

It worked out so well and made our job of editing so much easier it's literally a case of putting all the pictures together and overlaying some music which we're hoping to do the Marry You by Bruno Mars, we're still undecided by whether to play the instrumental version or to have to actual lyrics in there, we'll try both and see what we think works best. Personally I absolutely loved this idea, I just think it's a really unusual way of doing a wedding themed video yet it's not cliché. As a group we decided we wanted to focus on the props associated with the day rather than the couple, just thought it was a different take on things and allowed us to appreciate props, which is good especially for when it comes to our Fashion Film.

I think this was a good learning week for us, it tested how we work as a team, let's us know who has what strengths and how best we work together, we made some mistakes but we also learnt from them. All that's left to do now is to finish editing and to show it in our film presentation, I can't wait to see it finished and see what other groups have been doing too. It should be really fun to see and will hopefully give us ideas for the next brief. 

See you Monday

XOX

Images: All my own

Colour Film

Firstly I know this is very late in the day to post, second it'll will probably be short because hey I'm a stressed FCP student with a workload deeper than the snow last week, and thirdly I think I'm probably about to start my favourite uni project yet... Colour Film!

Okay so it's stressful because it only a week long, in that time we need to brainstorm an idea, shoot the film on location, organise props/ models/ styling, edit and present our film for whatever colour we picked as a team. Luckily we got blue which has quite a few connotations with the previous trend forecasting work we did. Military, the Royals, the Navy, it was a good choice really even if I was a little unsure when we chose that one still I need to learn to not be so quick to judge because so far it's going okay. Yes it is currently day 1, ask me again on day 3 when its shoot time but still *breathe* it'll be totally fine, we've got this. 

I'm actually buzzing to start this work which leads onto our last project of second year, Fashion Film, yes I am absolutely in love my course right now, who needs boys when you have projects like this? Very scary that second year feels like it's whizzing by, I just want time to slow down for a while, I'm not sure I'm ready fo the stressful hell that is third year. Let alone that but I'm not sure I'm even remotely ready to leave the uni bubble- it's a scary, scary thought, uni really has been the BEST decision I ever made surely life after it can't get much better? Yes I have dreams/ ambitions but will I actually be able to make them become true? Nope this year's going too fast for my liking. 

Anyway... back to colour film, before coming to uni film in general was never something I'd explored or really properly tried, I did a little photoshoot film for the end of my Art Foundation but other than that and my YouTube this year it was never something I thought about doing. But WOW I actually can't believe how much I love it. Like I'd always thought a fashion journalist was the job for me but working on fashion film is just something else, it never feels like any effort to film & edit, it just feels natural. Don't get me wrong I'll love my blog and magazine writing but maybe I shouldn't be so hasty to narrow down my options. I guess this next semester will be the eye opener. 

Just a bit of a brain dump there, please allow it I just had to spend the past 2 hours putting about 100 images onto a word doc to print for tomorrow. *sighs* Still I do it because I love it, even if it does pain me a little to tear myself away from Peaky Blinders when I'm finally getting hooked on it! I am hoping to blog Friday too, not got anything scheduled for what it'll be yet, maybe I'll do a a little overview of our colour film, you watch I'll have probably changed my mind completely by then and will be ready to hibernate. Who knows?

Till Friday then.

XOX 

Images: Taken from Pinterest.

Doing it

So Thursday I did a thing... roller skating, which if you know me well by now- you'll know that I have no sense of balance what so ever so it's probably not the best activity in the world for me. 

Okay no surprise I was definitely no expert in fact I was a pretty terrible beginner, safe to say that the whole skating thing is something I'm not born to do.  Which is surprising especially considering this was not my first time and I grew up with my skateboard. I guess all along  knew I wasn't going to be a pro, but the whole reason I went was because it was fun and sometimes laughing at yourself & how

 bad you are at something is needed. Not only that but it helped me to overcome this massive fear I have of falling over on the skates (yes I did fall over but only once), my legs were shaking, my hands were a clammy mess and my heart was close to a heart attack many times. But I'm bloody proud I did it- I'd even go as far as saying I'd go again.

This whole post isn't going to be about roller skating, don't worry if that's not your cup of tea then I won't bore you all with that. The point of this post... yes Gemma get on with it... is that sometimes the things you fear the most don't actually turn out to be that bad. Roller skating was something I've done

many times before but the last time I went back home I fell over and it just really freaked me, from that moment on I'd basically said no not again and here I am a few years later a changed women. I think no amount of times I go this fear will be still be there but I want to squish it into a little ball of nothing rather than letting it take over me, at the end of the day 2018 was going to be year of me

saying you know what screw it even if I look a fool then I'm going to try it anyway.

Life's too short to not give things a shot. 

I don't know what's happening to me lately, I've pushed myself further out of my comfort zone already this year then I did the entire of 2017. First with the whole summer camp thing, now this, here's to a new me of saying yes! I have my first formative presentation of this semester on Friday and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't more than just a little bit nervous, it does get that little bit easier every time I do one but at the same time it doesn't. I think the more pressure I put on myself the more I fear failing, which is stupid because even if I did completely mess it up at the end of the day who cares? It's better to screw up and learn for next time then to not give it everything and risk not

looking interested at all.

We had a weird seminar last Thursday which basically involved us standing up the entire hour & half doing various bits of presenting- so really it was my idea of hell. No joke I could have probably ran out that room the second our lecturer started explaining the task but I didn't. Not only that but even though it doesn't count for anything I did my best presentation too! We had to speak for 30 seconds about something that we really loved, so naturally I did mine about Willow (my dog), it just amazed me how well I spoke about her, it didn't even feel like I was in a presentation, it just felt raw and from the heart- I even managed a smile which from someone who at the word 'presentation' her stomach flips is quite something.  I don't know even though it sounded pointless it felt incredible- I want that feeling in every presentation I do! I think I may have just found my lucky charm- Willow... it also opened my eyes up to the fact that if you know a lot about your topic then it makes it so much easier to speak about which is true! Obviously I know Willow beyond well (I love her to pieces), after all she's more than just a dog to me so talking about her really isn't hard at all. But I get it now, presentation prep is the best possible thing you can do. I want to be that person who can happily and easily give a presentation well without reading completely from cards and giving no eye contact or stumbling over my words. I have improved so well but I'm still not at the level I want to be- slowly but surely I'm getting there. Someday I will be fear free in all presentations! That's my main goal.

Let me know what fears you want to overcome in the comments below. Because hey don't worry about them, we can overcome them all together!

XOX 

Images: Pinterest 

Berlin baby...

This time next week I'll be in Berlin... omg I'm literally SO crazy excited I can't even tell you. 

Berlin hasn't ever been a city that was top of my list to visit but it was definitely on it believe me. I am one of those people who wants to visit as many countries as possible so any country that I haven't been to before is a bonus for me. Germany has always been somewhere I've wanted to go, I just never have, I guess when it comes to family holidays it's not really somewhere my parents are likely to book just because we prefer more extreme heat beach holidays. Now I'm old enough to travel on my own I definitely want to take more city breaks. Still studying the course I have means that I'm lucky enough to get to go Berlin as a course trip this year, yes not going to lie I'm not entirely sure it will top New York because that was honestly out of this world but hopefully it'll be equally as good. 

In advance I thought I'd check out a few places out I'd like to visit just so you no I'm not wandering around wasting time although we do get to spend pretty much a week there which is lush. Stressful cos it's so close to my deadlines but lush all the same, just means working my ass off the week before and after the trip. I'd like to think this trip will be a well earned rest but lol that's not gonna happen... it's gonna be one long jammed packed, fun week. Even better to be going with friends because don't get me wrong I do enjoy a holiday with my parents (partly because they pay lol just joking) but traveling with friends is completely different and fun but in a different way to what it is with your parents. I don't know, it's hard to explain. 

Ideally the trip is research based for our next project which is mad, like imagine having a job where it involved you travelling abroad to pick up trends, like honestly that sounds a dream- I guess these course trips are a nice reminder that could be what I get to do. Like imagine!

So wait for it... while we are in Berlin it's Berlin Fashion Week like actual Berlin Fashion Week am I dreaming? is this actually my reality??? Fashion week has been something I've wanted to go to since I was basically in primary school so to say I'm attending the trade fairs, and actually in the buzz of it all in the city is probably the best thing I've ever heard. Like I've heard our tickets not only get us into the 6 trade shows but potentially even after parties- LIKE MADDDDD. 

Obviously I'm pumped for all the trade shows, but I think Seek is the one that I'm like dead excited for, with Show & Order being like a close second. I don't know what it is about Seek, I think just because it's more streetwear with brands like Fila and Champion because I'm all over that. Show & Order from what I can tell is more like designer brands I guess, with like Moschino, Calvin Klein, Stella McCartney like err yes please!

Other places I want to go are California Breakfast Slam because yes I'm all about the food life & breakfast especially American breakfast places- simply can't be beaten- Pancakes mmmm yum! The NGBK Gallery looks really cool apparently it has cool exhibitions from young and emerging Berlin (and international) artists and I mean I love discovering new fashion brands and I've heard it’s hidden behind an equally interesting art bookstore so double win. I am tempted to try one of the clubs while we're out there, according to some travel blog I found, the Weekend Club located in one of Berlin’s few skyscrapers, is a really cool club that overlooks Alexanderplatz with a rooftop terrace and indoor area great for groups and all-night parties. So I may just end up checking that out. 

Obviously the standard tourist places are on the list too, the Berlin wall, the East Side gallery, and I would quite like to go the Helmut Newton Foundation. Of course this being me and the fact I am on a fashion course I will be going shopping (the perfect excuse), Weekday and Monki are two brands I'm very excited to check out- I know we have those stores here in the UK but I think it'll be cool to check them out abroad. 

This isn't all the places I want to go, just a few, I actually have a long list but if I spoke about all of them then we'd be here for like an eternity so I'll save you all from that. Obviously will be blogging about the trip when I'm back, not sure if I am blogging the Monday & Friday whilst I'm there- might just take the week off so I can plan content whilst I'm away. So tempted to invest my student loan money into a decent camera but I know the type of camera I want will be so expensive like can I do that to my bank account??? 

Hope you liked the post, be sure to check out my post on Friday too plus there's a new YouTube video going up tomorrow on my channel (yay) yes it's another haul and no lol I do not need to buy anymore clothes for about the next year but like that's going to stop me.

XOX 

Images: Google.

24 lessons of Christmas 2k17.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! 

I hope by now if you're reading this on Christmas day that you are having a jolly old time, singing Christmas songs, ripping open the presents meanwhile your parents are frantically running around like headless chickens trying to sort out the turkey. Christmas morning is most definitely the only morning of the year where I'm happy to be awake before 10am. Yes I am only a morning person on December 25th thank you very much. 

With blogmas now over for yet another year, I thought it would be really nice to do a round up post containing all my lessons of Christmas 2k17. As I said right back at the start of blogmas, this year each daily post would be about something new that I've learnt that day. I do not regret doing it like that at all to be completely honest I've enjoyed blogmas so much more than I did last year. Not only that but I really feel like I've got so much more out of it too- I've learnt so much more about myself as a blogger...

LESSONS OF CHRISTMAS 2K17:

(I've added the links to each of the posts in case you want to read more about it, if you haven't already)

ONE: It's okay to be jealous...

TWO: Christmas music may just be the BEST kind of music.

THREE: Sometimes things just don't plan out the way you expected.

FOUR: It's not Christmas without the adverts.

FIVE: Christmas shopping always results in making purchases for yourself too

SIX: Lazy days are needed too.

SEVEN: The holiday season is the perfect time for layering up in lots of new clothes.

EIGHT: Where's the fun in boring earrings anyway?

NINE: Enjoy the little moments, they'll be the big things when you look back.

TEN: Early snow days make you feel like it's Christmas already.

ELEVEN: It's acceptable to be in bed at 12pm when you're ill.

TWELVE: 'Tis' the perfect occasion to try a new look.

THIRTEEN: Christmas time 'tis' the season to sparkle.

FOURTEEN: The single life ain't treating me well.

FIFTHTEEN: Take some time out and go back to your roots (books).

SIXTEEN: Over it. Over you.

SEVENTEEN: Bigger doesn't always mean better.

EIGHTEEN: Embrace your body and all of it's flaws this party season. Love yourself!

NINETEEN: Christmas films are just the best!

TWENTY: Being single may not be so bad after all.

TWENTYONE: Window displays take a lot more work than you'd think.

TWENTYTWO: Christmas ain't Christmas without the family drama.

TWENTYTHREE: Christmas outfits have got to look bomb.

TWENTYFOUR: Christmas time really is the best time.

The difference between day 14 & 20. lol

What was your favourite post?

Be sure to let me know in the comments.

I really hope you guys have enjoyed my blogmas this year. It's a tad too early to say if I'll be doing it next year but who knows. I hope you all have an amazing Christmas, remember calories don't count this time of year so make sure you dive right into that chocolate yule log- I'll race ya! 

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas, I'll be back Friday 29th with my post for New Years. 

Festive Kisses 

X

Image: Pinterest

Day 21 Blogmas 2k17

I'm very late at posting this post but it's here finally, but hey ho (hohoho) the best things in life are worth waiting for.
LESSON TWENTYONE OF CHRISTMAS 2K17:
Window displays take a lot more work than you'd think. 

COW X FCP collaboration. 

A few weeks back on my course we had the exciting chance within a team to come up with a window display for Cow, a vintage shop, for them to display in February 2018. Visual merchandising has never been something I thought would be for me and it turns out I was right it isn't but that doesn't mean this opportunity wasn't valuable to me.

Each team was given the chance to choose from a list of locations & objects, which they'd have to combine together in some way to create a window display. We had shoes and cocktails for two. Now we didn't have to combine them literally, the combination could be completely outside of the box so to speak. Initially we had the idea to design a life sized shoe box which would have a cocktail bar within it. In hindsight though this was perhaps a bit too literal, it was too within the box, for crying out loud it was literally inside a life sized shoebox. But that's the purpose of trying things and making mistakes because we got the chance to learn from them!

In the end we went with just the idea of a cocktail bar on Valentines Day, the shoe element came from having shoes dotted around the display and the fact everything was tied up with shoe laces. We expanded the shoe element further by suggesting people could interact with the display by sharing their shoe selfies on Valentines day, #Cow-uplegoals.

To take this further we linked the names of shoes within the HUGE cocktail menu we had in the display, we had a 'Blood Mary Jane', a 'Shoe-icide shot' and even a 'Convers-apolitan', Cow do love their puns after all. It was fun to come up with all these names and it definately made me want a drink at the end of two very long, hectic days. I honestly never realised how hard it was to work in a group of 10 people. Giving everyone the chance to voice their opinions was a bit of a stressful one but we got through it and actually pulled together really well in the end.

Would I want to do this again?
No probably not, I did enjoy it and it was nice to have a break from our daily projects but it was very stressful and I have never realised how much work goes into creating window displays. I've never really given it a second thought if I'm honest. One thing is for sure though I will never walk past a window display and not appreciate the effort gone into it ever again. I guess was a good thing for me to learn now that visual merchandising isn't for me, I wouldn't want to go down that route then completely hate it with no way back. It was a learning curve that's one thing for sure.

Nevertheless I loved this opportunity and a huge thank you to Cow for giving us the chance to collaborate in such an exciting way. I was proud with what we produced. The final presentations were amazing to watch, everyone came up with such fab ideas. 'Galentines day' was certainly a worthy winner!
In this festive season take the chance to look around you at the beautiful and carefully put together windows- believe me a lot of thought & hard work has gone into them and nothings worse than something you worked hard on not being appreciated. Enjoy them! 

Take care & see you all tomorrow.

Festive Kisses

X

Images: All my own.

Day 18 Blogmas 2k17

Missguided is a shop I've grown to love massively over the last year or so, I don't know what it is, it's just something about them, they just seem to understand great style! Normally, not going to lie I don't pay attention to their campaigns but #makeyourmark I couldn't not talk about. Missguided have raised the bar, kicking all of the other campaigns wide out of the water. Damn Missguided you are killing it - hats off to you!

LESSON EIGHTEEN OF CHRISTMAS 2K17:
Embrace your body and all of it's flaws this party season. Love yourself!
#MAKEYOURMARK

'As part of Missguided's new #keeponbeingyou movement, they're on a mission to inspire babes the world over to love themselves. To embrace flaws, and to not strive for what the world perceives as perfection. Because f*ck perfection. It doesn't exist. Missguided are making a pledge to never retouch their models 'perfect imperfections' out.'

Honestly I can not put into words just how much I applaud Missguided for this campaign, they are slaying every other campaign out there and I am backing them all the way. This campaign not only stands for everything every other retailer out there should, but it makes me have a huge amount of respect for this company. Slay the game Missguided!

“Having representation and diversity is really important in the fashion industry, and I think finally it’s starting to change. I love how strong my body is, it’s always been there for me, even if it needs a little bit of extra help along the way. My life motto is don’t ever take yourself too seriously, celebrate yourself, have fun and always have a laugh whilst doing it.” Model Emily. 




As a young women in this very judgemental world I could not be prouder of this campaign. Growing up I was bullied for the way I looked and for years after it affected me. It honestly scarred me for life. It made me not want to look in mirrors anymore because I hated what I saw, it made me want retreat back into my shell, it made me miss out on enjoying the majority of my school years. I hated myself- I don't think back then there was single part of my body I even remotely liked. I remember we had this sexual health week in year 8 high school, one of the activities was sitting in room full of 15-20 people and one by one we had to go round the room and say what we loved about our bodies. Just the thought of it makes me feel sick to my stomach because I couldn't say anything. Not one thing in my entire body. Perhaps even to this day, those years of bullying affect me. I chose not to do things because I was scared of the reaction. Going to uni was the first time in my life where I finally accepted me for me and not only that but I felt accepted.

"As you get older you realise these marks are part of you and they're beautiful in the most amazing way. Do not allow other people's opinions to become you"



Bullying is brutal- surely we should love everyone for be different not using it as a chance to bring them down? Growing up I thought bullying was the 'norm'. Even writing that brings a tear to my eye because it generally breaks my heart to think that I ever thought bullying was or should ever be a normal part of life. Bullying should NEVER be the norm. F*ck anyone who disagrees. No one ever deserves to be purposely made to feel shit about themselves. Let's face it we all have days where we feel shit about ourselves on our own without having others to help point out our flaws.

“Female empowerment is supporting your sisters, it’s bringing up women and not bringing them down. It’s about supporting all women, whether they’re cisgendered, trans, whatever race, class, body type and sexuality.”




I wish this campaign had been around when I was growing up. If it had then maybe I'd have thought differently about my many flaws. I know I'm not the only one who went through tough times growing up. Perhaps the only positive to come out of it is the fact it's made me so much stronger now. Mentally & physically stronger. Mentally I'm so proud of myself for coming through what I did- I look back now and I know I would have reacted completely differently to how I did. I certainly wouldn't have tried to become virtually invisible through the fear of someone else calling me out as ugly in a maths class. Physically I wouldn't say I'm quite at the stage of loving my body but I appreciate it's flaws, they're unique to me and I love that. Nowadays if I work out at the gym I work out for me not for others. It's all about inner & outer self love- never forget that! 

"It's important to teach young girls to love every part of themselves"




Whether you love your body or not we should all be emotionally invested into this campaign. Male or female. It'll make a huge impact on all of us. At the end of the day, I don't think I have ever felt so strongly about a campaign, I will be backing Missguided's #keeponbeingyou movement 110%. Big or small, fat or thin, scars/stretch marks or not they are part of you! Embrace that. Love that. Never feel embarrassed about your looks because you were created that way to be individually beautiful.

Perhaps if you take one lesson from me this holiday season then please learn to love yourself. Loving others is easy but loving yourself is probably the hardest task of all.

Hope you all enjoyed this post.
Thoughts on #MAKEYOURMARK?

See you tomorrow!
Big festive kisses.

X

Images: Google & Missguided website.