i guess I'll take it

oh heyyyy how y'all doing? 

(If you read that in a tiktok voice then you knowwww)

But seriously I hope everyone is okay. Well I am not going to lie I've been struggling with lockdown recently, the days feel never ending and the hours get harder to fill. The tensions in my household are rising and the fallout's have definitely begun, I love my parents but if corona has taught me anything it's that I can't hack living at home much longer.
(please tell me I'm not the only one who feels like this) 

Despite that I have kinda surprised myself in lockdown, I've actually stuck to working out 5/6 days a week, I'm eating fairly healthy although the Easter chocolate is there as a support mechanism and I have actually worked on the tasks that I've been putting off for ages. Amazingly I finally think I'm getting the hang of illustrator and weirdly my biggest inspiration for artwork has been horoscopes, if I'm honest I never really believed in all that 'it's written in your stars' rubbish but since downloading the app Co-Star I've actually become a bit of a believer (and a still a true Bieber fan). Okay so I take it all with a pinch of salt but 8 times out of 10 it's relatable- like take today's rundown for instance 'feelings aren't facts' , I'm not gonna go into full details but the past few days have been a bit shitty, I seem to argue more than ever with my parents and I hate it. I can just feel the anger bubbling up inside of me and I'm really struggling to bite my tongue. The worst thing is that it's over such petty stuff, stuff that in a normal world I wouldn't even think twice about, so 'feeling aren't facts' very much relates to me at the mo. I don't know why I'm reading so much into my stars lately maybe I'm hoping it'll lead to a miracle lol but it's given me some clear headspace and some food for thought so I guess I'll take that. 

So what else have I been doing? Well of course I've been watching a lot more than usual, to be honest I'm not really a tv person like don't get me wrong there are days where I watch a lot but I like being a  proactive person and binge watching Netflix just doesn't make me feel good. That being said I have watch all of Outer Banks which I totally recommend kinda like Stranger Things minus the sci-fi mixed with surfer vibes. For some reason it gives me serious Australian vibes but it's actually set in America and I am already waiting on season 2. Last night I started watching Normal People on BBC3, originally based on a book, it's just been adapted into a series and I am really enjoying it. I still want to read the book but I couldn't resist starting the series, if you like the film One Day or Love Rosie I have a feeling you might like this. I've kinda been dipping in & out of Too Hot to Handle as well which is providing the drama in my Love Island absence. Music wise I'm still exploring new stuff this week Jeremy Zucker and Madison Beer are top of my playlist, closely followed by Lauv damn I just can't get enough of his voice. 

Workout wise ummm okay who even am I because I've been sticking to working out most days. Personally I think it's giving me a routine and almost a purpose to get out of bed in the mornings, it just makes me feel energised & ready to go (to the living room lol). I've been doing a lot of the Heather Robertson ones on YouTube, they're really good like they kill but that's what I want and I've definitely got my love for working out back. I've told myself that if I stick to working out in lockdown then whenever life gets more normal again I'll buy a gym membership so that's my motivation lol. Oh that and the fact it means I can eat more chocolate without feeling guilty- we love a balanced queen.

Of course I had to mention TikTok I mean I probably spend a good 2 hours a days on it, time just flies by on there. I have been putting my time to good use though- I have learnt a dance (granted one of the easiest but hey that's fineeee) and failed at learning many others, even tried out a few of the hacks, reworked my Nike AF1's and tested out the mirror picture shoot- SO COOL. I still want to try tie dye and potentially hair dyeing but I mean watch this space. 

That's about all really, mon-fri I'm trying to get into the routine of working out first thing, then doing work related bits for most of the day eg. training tasks, illustrator, illustrations, inspiration building on Pinterest that kinda stuff- it just keeps me in a work frame of mind I guess. Weekends are more relaxed, I still workout but the days are more chilled and evenings are catch ups with friends. I guess just keeping yourself busy is the key to this period. 

go on try out something new

xxx

Instas: 

Design account- @oh_scrambles_

Fashion account- @_lippietalk

apocalypse edit

okay where the hell to begin... 

I mean I know everyone has literally said this lately but life has suddenly felt like a movie and not in a good way. The last time I wrote on here was New Years when like everyone else I was optimistically looking forward to 2020, not only a whole new year but a new decade where anything felt possible. Here we are now, currently in April, mid lockdown here in the UK; life is on standby, both jobs I had have been furloughed, you can only leave the house for one form of exercise a day and people are stock piling toilet paper & pasta like there's no tomorrow. 

Like what the hell has actually happened to the world?!? 

I mean really you couldn't write the last few months (although yes my Tiktok obsessed self has seen the book conspiracy about this virus so maybe you can). Whilst life pre-apocalypse wasn't perfect I did start to feel like it was ever so slightly coming together. I had two jobs which despite early starts and long days I did actually enjoy, my career felt like it was somewhat starting to leave the ground. I finally brought a car (only took me 4 years after passing), beep beep after a few car drives with my dad and several heated arguments later I was off, all of sudden it was nice to not rely on other people for lifts. I had mega exciting travel plans for a tour of West coast America for the summer, which I have put off for about 3 years. And now we are in the middle of a virus pandemic that has put the world on pause. Travelling is just not a thing anymore, meeting friends is only done online and the highlight of my week is the food shop, even then it's not really a highlight because seeing people wearing plastic gloves, masks and following strict social distancing rules is kinda surreal to see. Mcdonalds, Zizzi's and my beloved Doughnotts has shut for the foreseeable, like I never thought I'd see the day Maccies shut. Tiktok has become my life (not that tbh much has changed there) from all the dances to 'I'm claustrophobic Darren' Gemma Collins memes and a failed attempt of whipped coffee hacks all can I say is that nothing matches my starbucks order. Tie dye clothing seems to be everywhere and pink hair well I haven't quite reached that point but I mean we still have a while yet... so watch this space. Please if you are a boy do not shave your head, the world isn't ready for the skinhead look. 

It's taken a global pandemic for me to actually start doing exercise, I now run 4/5 times a week- I'd be lying if I said I enjoyed it but my current love affair with the fridge has led me to this. Otherwise I'll be rolling out the house after quarantine. My skin has broken out into a zillion spots when I haven't worn makeup for god knows how long like okay sorry where's the sense in that? Netflix and I have become one; I have watched some great movies lately, Ladybird, Hot Summer Nights (I was obssessed) and not a movie but the Tiger King is hot on my radar, very strange but seriously addictive. I have also developed an unhealthy love for Timothee Chalamet (I mean come on like wow), my online shopping wishlists have double in size, and my music taste has gone down some weird indie path that I'm lowkey loving (I would now like Lauv to be the soundtrack to my life please). So although I haven't been busy I kinda have... if that makes sense. If self isolation has taught me anything lately it's that I really love illustration, I've been getting super creative again which I've missed. Inspirations have mostly come from music and films but I'm not hating that. 

The days do feel long and the past couple of days I have personally felt very unmotivated to move out of my bed, whilst I've never been fully depressed I do have a tendency to sink into a hole when I feel low and sometimes I really struggle to pick myself back up. I think that's why music and Tiktok have literally taken over my life because I just feel myself escaping life. Social distancing is hard even for a an introvert like me, living at home as an only child is strange like I mean I have video chats and constantly message friends but it's just weird to not ever be around people my own age. Life feels very lonely... obviously social distancing is super important and is ensuring you're keeping your family & others healthy and safe but it's just hard mentally. Staying positive 24/7 can be tough, taking it a day at time is a good motto to live by but I've always been someone who likes to look ahead so getting into this frame of mind is difficult but I'll get there, I mean there's no other choice. 

I don't really know what I hoping to achieve by this post today. I guess I wanted to check in, say hey and make sure that everyone is making the best of a bad situation, yes there is a lot of uncertainty and time-frames are unknown but hold on in there. We have an incredible NHS who are doing amazing and we owe a lot too, top priority is staying healthy and keeping those around you the same. Don't beat yourself up for feeling low, we're all having those days at the minute, find something to pass the time, whether that a tv show (recommendations?), exercise or baking (what is it with banana bread?) 

In the words of HSM we are all in this together. Think about the otherside. 

XXX