okay where the hell to begin...
I mean I know everyone has literally said this lately but life has suddenly felt like a movie and not in a good way. The last time I wrote on here was New Years when like everyone else I was optimistically looking forward to 2020, not only a whole new year but a new decade where anything felt possible. Here we are now, currently in April, mid lockdown here in the UK; life is on standby, both jobs I had have been furloughed, you can only leave the house for one form of exercise a day and people are stock piling toilet paper & pasta like there's no tomorrow.
Like what the hell has actually happened to the world?!?
I mean really you couldn't write the last few months (although yes my Tiktok obsessed self has seen the book conspiracy about this virus so maybe you can). Whilst life pre-apocalypse wasn't perfect I did start to feel like it was ever so slightly coming together. I had two jobs which despite early starts and long days I did actually enjoy, my career felt like it was somewhat starting to leave the ground. I finally brought a car (only took me 4 years after passing), beep beep after a few car drives with my dad and several heated arguments later I was off, all of sudden it was nice to not rely on other people for lifts. I had mega exciting travel plans for a tour of West coast America for the summer, which I have put off for about 3 years. And now we are in the middle of a virus pandemic that has put the world on pause. Travelling is just not a thing anymore, meeting friends is only done online and the highlight of my week is the food shop, even then it's not really a highlight because seeing people wearing plastic gloves, masks and following strict social distancing rules is kinda surreal to see. Mcdonalds, Zizzi's and my beloved Doughnotts has shut for the foreseeable, like I never thought I'd see the day Maccies shut. Tiktok has become my life (not that tbh much has changed there) from all the dances to 'I'm claustrophobic Darren' Gemma Collins memes and a failed attempt of whipped coffee hacks all can I say is that nothing matches my starbucks order. Tie dye clothing seems to be everywhere and pink hair well I haven't quite reached that point but I mean we still have a while yet... so watch this space. Please if you are a boy do not shave your head, the world isn't ready for the skinhead look.
It's taken a global pandemic for me to actually start doing exercise, I now run 4/5 times a week- I'd be lying if I said I enjoyed it but my current love affair with the fridge has led me to this. Otherwise I'll be rolling out the house after quarantine. My skin has broken out into a zillion spots when I haven't worn makeup for god knows how long like okay sorry where's the sense in that? Netflix and I have become one; I have watched some great movies lately, Ladybird, Hot Summer Nights (I was obssessed) and not a movie but the Tiger King is hot on my radar, very strange but seriously addictive. I have also developed an unhealthy love for Timothee Chalamet (I mean come on like wow), my online shopping wishlists have double in size, and my music taste has gone down some weird indie path that I'm lowkey loving (I would now like Lauv to be the soundtrack to my life please). So although I haven't been busy I kinda have... if that makes sense. If self isolation has taught me anything lately it's that I really love illustration, I've been getting super creative again which I've missed. Inspirations have mostly come from music and films but I'm not hating that.
The days do feel long and the past couple of days I have personally felt very unmotivated to move out of my bed, whilst I've never been fully depressed I do have a tendency to sink into a hole when I feel low and sometimes I really struggle to pick myself back up. I think that's why music and Tiktok have literally taken over my life because I just feel myself escaping life. Social distancing is hard even for a an introvert like me, living at home as an only child is strange like I mean I have video chats and constantly message friends but it's just weird to not ever be around people my own age. Life feels very lonely... obviously social distancing is super important and is ensuring you're keeping your family & others healthy and safe but it's just hard mentally. Staying positive 24/7 can be tough, taking it a day at time is a good motto to live by but I've always been someone who likes to look ahead so getting into this frame of mind is difficult but I'll get there, I mean there's no other choice.
I don't really know what I hoping to achieve by this post today. I guess I wanted to check in, say hey and make sure that everyone is making the best of a bad situation, yes there is a lot of uncertainty and time-frames are unknown but hold on in there. We have an incredible NHS who are doing amazing and we owe a lot too, top priority is staying healthy and keeping those around you the same. Don't beat yourself up for feeling low, we're all having those days at the minute, find something to pass the time, whether that a tv show (recommendations?), exercise or baking (what is it with banana bread?)
In the words of HSM we are all in this together. Think about the otherside.
XXX
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