FASHION. BEAUTY. LIFESTYLE. an indecisive girl's life

Monday, 18 June 2018

selfish or what?

Ahhhh summer time really is the best time. 
Honestly I've felt nothing but bliss since I handed in my work a few weeks back, it just feels like a weight has been completely lifted off my shoulders. It's just so nice to be able to waste time and not feel guilty for it, but at the same time be able to use my time to focus on the things I've really neglected the last 6 months. 

Okay so I would be lying if I said the worry of what grade I'll get is completely out of my mind but I'm try to not think about it, after all it's out of my hands now. 

I don't think I've ever had a summer break where I've said you know what I'm going to be completely selfish this year until now that is. Second year was incredible, the friends I made, the experiences I had, the motivation I gained- I owe second year a lot. But now it's time for me. Time to be completely, utterly, entirely selfish. To use my time to work on things that I'm really passionate about. Controversial I know but I feel like it's about time I was due a break to do the things I want to do. Third year is a good 4 months away so I want to do my research, get into the projects I want to do alongside third year and to use my time to go to the events I want to go to, work with the brands I want to collaborate with. I'm excited!

I finally got round to filming another YouTube video today and it felt so damn good. I was a little nervous incase I'd lost my love for it but safe to say I definitely haven't. It's just so nice to be able to do work for fun instead of because I have to, summer breaks should be for that. The job hunt is somewhat never ending and the internship front well that may be about to change but I don't want to get my hopes up just yet and jinxs things. 
But I'm keeping my fingers crossed & my mouth zipped. 


The three main areas I really want to work on this summer are my brand Instagram, YouTube and this little blog. All three are passions I love to pieces, but all 3 are never going to get anywhere if I'm not prepared to put the work in. 'Do your future self a favour, work hard now'. I'm not saying they're going to go anywhere but I want to give them a shot and see where the opportunities take me. Who knows but I'm excited by the unknown. 

Kicking off with my instagram. Friends will know I have two accounts, a personal one that I'm soon to make private and my creative one which will stay public. Don't get me wrong I love both, but the creative one is the platform I really want to work on. I want to feature a lot more outfit posts, getting creative with the way I do them, I want to give sneak peaks of my YouTube and I want it to be the main platform associated with my brand 'LippieTalk'- I'm emotionally invested. Financially creating a good feed costs nothing, all I need is the 'get up and do it' attitude and my mum as photographer (she's actually pretty good!). People may say I'm silly to invest so much time into social media but when it's the line of work I want to go down I personally feel it's time well spent. 

 Other than working on those three areas, I want to start saving, I mean seriously start saving. This time next year after I hopefully graduate I want to go travelling for 6 months to a year, it's something I've wanted to do for as long as I can remember but it's an expensive goal. Originally my plan was to travel America but slowly Australia & New Zealand are looking more appealing. Working on my brand and working out on my fitness not only fill my free time but they are hobbies that cost next to nothing but will be rewarding if I somehow make them successful. 


I love being at home but sometimes it can get a little dull & I can get a bit lost at what to do with myself so hopefully these things will occupy my time. Yes to some people my summer plans may sound like their version of hell but to me I can't help but get excited and maybe a little ahead of myself but where's the harm in that hey?

See you tomorrow on my YouTube because there's a new video coming and Friday back here.


Pictures: Own unless stated otherwise.

Monday, 4 June 2018

About time hey hun?

Well, well, well I think an actual miracle has just occurred because I've actually opened blogger for about the first time in 2 months. 
"About time hey hun"

'Life just got a little bit crazy' seems to be what I ALWAYS say but believe me it did! I don't even think I properly stopped to breathe for a second in those entire 2 months. Suddenly I had the biggest presentation of my entire life, about 7 deadlines due all on one day and I was a just that girl who practically moved into the library for about a month and lived off a diet of meal deals so the summer body's going well. Honestly today or yesterday as you're reading this is the first time I've stopped in a long time. Simple things like just strolling around the shops, going gym or meeting friends for lunch were all severely neglected the past 2 months. I was low key having a mini mental breakdown everyday but somehow I got through it. Yes that's right I've completely finished second year woo *breathes a sigh of relief*, I don't know how I did it, I was half human, half zombie for the last week of deadlines but somehow I got there finally! I don't think I'd have been able to do it without my friends keeping me sane, those few nights out and the thought of a much needed 4 month summer break ahead. 



To help me get back into blogging and to get you guys up to speed I thought I'd quickly bring you all up to date with my life over the past two months... don't expect anything crazy! The craziest I got was spending a 14 hour day in the library with only food to keep me sane. 

So what feels like a lifetime ago I had the biggest presentation I've ever done, presenting our film not only to our lecturers but to someone from Stance, the American sock brand we had our project on. Safe to say I was terrified, we were terrified. But in actual fact our film was picked by Stance for winning best commercial film which I was absolutely over the moon with! Not only did that project make me feel like I was finally getting somewhere in life but it completely changed my mindset about the field I want to graduate into. You see I've always been creative, always been that arty kid, I was drawing on the fireplace before I could barely walk much to my parents dismay. But for me there was something about writing, it just clicked, I just clicked, it never felt like a chore to do and having this blog allowed me to explore my tone of voice and style. 

The Stance film project threw me into areas I'd never really considered before, the whole filming and editing process wasn't even something that remotely crossed my mind. But even though that was probably the most intense project of my life, it was also the best. I'm not saying I'm gonna give up on the whole magazine dream but I'm ready to explore the option of video editor/ filmographer too. Honestly something about that project changed me, you can see it in my other work as well. Making that film made me so determined to produce work that I'd never even dream of doing, my style changed, I created my own brand recipe. Suddenly it felt like all my skills fell into place at the right time. I produced a dissertation proposal that I fell in love with, my business cards (image below) fill me with pride every time I look at them and knowing what my end goal is makes me SO excited for third year.


I even made my own online portfolio if you want to check it out

Ah yes the topic of third year... so umm would someone kindly like to explain to me where the past two years of uni have gone because I honestly couldn't tell you. I bloody love uni and I love everyone I've met because of it, honestly there's been some really amazing people who I hope will be friends for life. I don't know what it's been about second year but I just feel like the friendships I've made feel so much stronger, the people I've met feel so much more like it was fate they're in my life and I just feel so much happier! Every time my parents come to visit they always say how proud they are of me and to be honest I always kinda awkwardly laugh and brush it off but I'm proud of myself too. Don't think I'm big headed or anything please but I honestly am and I'm happier & more me than I've ever been in my entire life. I'm excited for the future, I'm weirdly and quite frankly oddly excited for third year, the thought of what after next year might bring, the dream is to be able to travel the world with hopefully a job that I love to pieces.

 For me this was the year where I became so much more comfortable in myself and less focused on the materialistic things but rather the actual experiences & memories. Okay so I'm still a compulsive clothing addict but I'm a fashion student what can I say?!? But seriously I would hands down rather create memories than own that new top on the ASOS website. I was asking people a few days back would you rather have the perfect life or the perfect relationship, and I would rather the perfect relationship- okay I know I maybe lame for still believing in a good old fairytale but I'm a sucker for a love story. Take Meghan & Prince Harry's wedding, watching that on the tv was just breathe taking I have honestly never seen such a fairytale wedding before in my life, okay so they exist in movies but not normally in reality. I watched a film Saturday night called The Kissing Booth on Netflix and honestly it was the cutest thing I've ever watched, it low key depressed me and my current single self but lol it kinda gave me hope in a naive way. Yes I know I'm an idiot for holding out hope that one day I might have relationship half as cute as that but you better believe I am. I guess some things never change. 

So summer plans are still slightly lacking right now, I am going away with my parents but I don't know when or where for definite just yet so it's nice to see we're organised. Other then that there's nothing. So as usual I've applied for endless jobs & internships and no doubt I'll be about as lucky as a cat who's used up all of it's 9 lives. But something in my stomach tells me this summer is going to be the best yet, I'm not quite sure how or why just yet. You know when you just get that feeling. I'm hoping to do a festival and a few spontaneous trips round the UK, maybe even Europe if I'm lucky. Besides that I want to do stuff relating to my course, go to events, talks, places that'll be useful for me and potential dissertation ideas. Ahhh how am I at the almost dissertation stage already?!? I feel like I blinked and two years of uni have just gone, right now I'm stuck for what I want to do after uni, I know it's still a year away but I need to start thinking about these things. I know I don't want to stay in Nottingham and I definitely don't want to move back home, don't get me wrong I love my family to pieces but that's not where I see myself long term. The real dream is to travel, but financially is that a plausible option? who knows?

The main thing right now though is to make this summer amazing, I want to travel more, meet new people, as well as catching up with old friends and I want to really concentrate on this blog & my YouTube. Who knows what's going to happen but one thing's for sure I'm ready to make plans. I'm ready to be spontaneous!

So stick around a while because it's gonna be a long, hot summer (and yes I am an avid Love Island fan who is very prepared for it to take over my entire life from tonight 9pm) 


PICTURES: own unless stated otherwise.

Friday, 6 April 2018

Am I Growing up?

Adulthood is a scary word, yes it's exciting the thought of what the future may hold but at the same time I can't help but think am I quite ready for it all? Lets face it, your entire childhood life is about building up skills, qualifications and experiences ready for that moment you have to go out into the big, wide world... 

I turn 21 this summer and quite frankly I still feel about 17 years old, I'm not sure I'm ready to become an official adult. Okay so maybe I am half way there already, after all I pay my own phone bill, I manage my own commitments, I'm the lead tennant for our student house, I have my driving license but am I quite ready? Uni to me makes you grow up, you have to learn to cook for yourself, wash your clothes yourself, budget as well as handling a social life and those all important deadlines. Sometimes it does feel like you're at the circus and you're the act juggling your life whilst people around you are waiting to see if you slip up. Life is hard. 

A few months back I even had to renew my own passport myself and let me tell you that was the first time I felt like an adult since passing my driving test 2 years ago. Don't get me wrong I'm excited for the future and I may be a little weird saying this but I can't wait to get my first full time job (hopefully at a magazine), it feels like I've been working my entire life to get to this point so now third's years just around the corner it feels like everything's falling into place. I saw a tweet yesterday which basically said "Ever feel like your life is falling together and falling apart at the same time" and honestly I have never related to something anymore in my life. Life does feel like it's falling together at the minute, I had a fab group of friends, my course is going well and even my social life is somewhat existent which really is a miracle in itself! But perhaps most important of all I feel the happiest I've felt in years, I don't know if it's because I'm growing up or what but even little things like my relationship with my parents has changed, we no longer argue about the stupid stuff. Then at the same time my life feels like it's falling apart, deadlines have me stressed even though they are a few months away, the amount of work I have to do gives me about 5 heart attacks a day, the internship hunt for summer is going about as flat as my job hunt and I'm worried about going into third year after summer. I'm scared and stressed about the workload, I know I'll have at least one breakdown a week and I don't want to think about life after uni quite just yet at least. 

So maybe I am taking that leap from childhood to adulthood, before you know it I'll be moving out permanently, settling down into this own life that I've created. I have friends who are already at this stage, they're moving out, having babies, getting engaged they're actual adults! Like they're not children anymore. Then there's me who still enjoys the chocolate milk you get after a bowl of coco pops and just a roundabout part time comedian when I'm not head down in my sketchbook. 

But I guess that's okay, I guess you don't always have to be conventional, because no offence to anyone but conventional can get very boring, very quickly. One thing I have never been is standard, one day I'll dress head to toe Clueless themed and the next I'll look about as far as you can get from a fashion student, yes I do own a pair of crocs and yes I do wear them with socks. I am ashamed. Take my music taste even, one minute I can be jamming out to Busted, the next a bit of Ella Eyre or Fifth Harmony, then maybe some Halsey or the Hunna before doing the full circle and listening to Dolly Parton... "working 9-5 what a way to make a living...". 

So yeh that's me a bit of a odd mix, or maybe just a bit odd to be honest. But I think I am about ready to admit I am becoming an adult. Okay so I'll probably still have those childish 'I'm not going' strops and you better believe it'll be a while before I stop playing pranks because my inner tomboy isn't going anyway anytime soon but maybe I am ready to enter what seems to be the mundane part of my life, adulthood. Or maybe it might just be my most exciting adventure yet... I'll guess you'll just have to stick around to find out.

See you Monday 



Monday, 2 April 2018

Clearly clueless

It has been a while since I last posted... life got hectic very quickly, suddenly I was drowning in presentation after presentation, I had a truck load of sketchbook work that needed attention and I really had no motivation to sit down & write. 

I've always said this blog has never been something I wanted to become a chore to do, writing to me feels like nothing else, it's like when I put my thoughts on the page everything honestly becomes clearer than it ever could in my head. With this blog fast approaching that what feels unreal 50K mark, I didn't want my content to not mean anything any more. I started this because I wanted to, because to me having this space made that huge dream of writing for The NY Times or magazines such as i-D or Dazed feel that bit more achievable. So when I suddenly felt uninspired by everything happening in my life the last thing I wanted to do was sit down and type. But I'm back. Still with that truck load of work trailing slowly behind me but feeling somewhat more 'me' and motivated for this place again. I'm going to say this now... I probably won't be back consistently but I think writing my thoughts on here might just save me in the stressful deadline months to come. 

I would say I'm 'Clearly Clueless' in a LOT of things, being 20 definitely doesn't make you not make mistakes believe me! Life let's face it needs a clueless reaction sometimes, after all we're only human, cheesy I know but it doesn't matter if you make mistakes what matters is how you overcome them. I am that friend who gets asked a lot for advice, obviously I give my opinion but I can't help but think 'I'm clueless in that why ask me?'. But today it dawned on me that just because you're clueless in something doesn't mean you don't have the right to say what you think, sometimes you need that clueless point of view for everything to properly make sense. 

Right before this Easter break we were given our scariest brief yet, perhaps one I've never been more clueless about... a report on 2 possible final year dissertation ideas and I'm internally screaming not going to lie. I don't feel ready for something that seems so serious, I'm clueless in what I want to do... suddenly that cap and gown day feels scarily close. Whilst to graduate and to hopefully work successfully in the magazine field is still my dream, it's frightening to think how fast it's approaching. I feel like I just want to press pause on the whole uni experience, I love the uni bubble more than I ever thought I possibly could, it really is like having the best of both worlds between home & uni. Yes there are times where I have to live off pesto pasta because thats about all I can afford and although I love my course it generally makes me question my sanity when I end up spending hours perfecting a sketchbook page or an indesign layout. But I wouldn't change a thing. Not the people, not the course, not the partying, not any of it, well maybe the debt but thats about all. Uni for me is that one place where I don't feel clueless, it feels like I have my little indecisive life somewhat slightly organised in a dysfunctional way. It makes me feel happy. 

So maybe I'm not as clueless as I first thought, maybe I shouldn't panic. Yes third term starts in 2 weeks and I know it'll be hella stressful... don't even get me started on third year. But at the end of it all I shouldn't be clueless, I've done the studying, I've attended almost all the lectures (it wasn't me it was the vodka lemonade) I am getting there, I know I am. I know what I want to achieve so guess you could argue I'm really not that clueless at all. Maybe a little unsure but right now it feels like the most clueless thing about me is my dress sense (yes that outfit above was entirely inspired by the film & Lissy Roddy's insta). There isn't anything clueless about that.

Stick around because I am getting my schedule back on track, so see you Friday for more clueless ramblings.


Images: All my own.

Friday, 9 March 2018

Something Blue

If you read my previous post you'll know that this last week was our colour film project, and it actually went really well. We did originally struggle with deciding on a concept because it's hard to go from being briefed to brainstorming to filming in the space of 3 days, but that's something as creative individuals we have to just learn to get good at. I wouldn't say idea generation is my strong point like I do get good ideas but I can't do them quickly for me it takes time, I also still struggle with the fear of sounding stupid which that statement alone sounds stupid. I think we all agreed that our concept wasn't the strongest, if we'd have had longer to do the task we'd go with a concept that we all really loved, but the main thing is that we've learnt a lot from this for our fashion film brief.
Time scale wise that wasn't possible to spend I long time on the idea, we had to work fast.

We came up with the concept of 'Something Blue' which is based around the idea of a wedding day, obviously it's seen as tradition to wear something blue for luck, as well as having something old and new. We thought it was a cute concept and one that would be quite simple to achieve but will hopefully be effective to see. However... umm filming didn't quite go to plan, it just didn't look how we wanted it to, the time we were filming outside meant that we struggled with the exposure brightness levels so everything just ended up looking really white. So we went back to the drawing board, quite literally. As a back up we had a stop motion idea of drawing out a wedding day from going into church to driving off as newly weds in the car. It was a fun idea to do, gave me chance to get back into drawing after a good year of barely doing any, in a way it showed me how much I missed it. Okay so it took a long time to do but we worked well as a team, pulled together and made sure that everyone had a role and input. 

It worked out so well and made our job of editing so much easier it's literally a case of putting all the pictures together and overlaying some music which we're hoping to do the Marry You by Bruno Mars, we're still undecided by whether to play the instrumental version or to have to actual lyrics in there, we'll try both and see what we think works best. Personally I absolutely loved this idea, I just think it's a really unusual way of doing a wedding themed video yet it's not cliché. As a group we decided we wanted to focus on the props associated with the day rather than the couple, just thought it was a different take on things and allowed us to appreciate props, which is good especially for when it comes to our Fashion Film.

I think this was a good learning week for us, it tested how we work as a team, let's us know who has what strengths and how best we work together, we made some mistakes but we also learnt from them. All that's left to do now is to finish editing and to show it in our film presentation, I can't wait to see it finished and see what other groups have been doing too. It should be really fun to see and will hopefully give us ideas for the next brief. 

See you Monday


Images: All my own

Monday, 5 March 2018

Colour Film

Firstly I know this is very late in the day to post, second it'll will probably be short because hey I'm a stressed FCP student with a workload deeper than the snow last week, and thirdly I think I'm probably about to start my favourite uni project yet... Colour Film!

Okay so it's stressful because it only a week long, in that time we need to brainstorm an idea, shoot the film on location, organise props/ models/ styling, edit and present our film for whatever colour we picked as a team. Luckily we got blue which has quite a few connotations with the previous trend forecasting work we did. Military, the Royals, the Navy, it was a good choice really even if I was a little unsure when we chose that one still I need to learn to not be so quick to judge because so far it's going okay. Yes it is currently day 1, ask me again on day 3 when its shoot time but still *breathe* it'll be totally fine, we've got this. 

I'm actually buzzing to start this work which leads onto our last project of second year, Fashion Film, yes I am absolutely in love my course right now, who needs boys when you have projects like this? Very scary that second year feels like it's whizzing by, I just want time to slow down for a while, I'm not sure I'm ready fo the stressful hell that is third year. Let alone that but I'm not sure I'm even remotely ready to leave the uni bubble- it's a scary, scary thought, uni really has been the BEST decision I ever made surely life after it can't get much better? Yes I have dreams/ ambitions but will I actually be able to make them become true? Nope this year's going too fast for my liking. 

Anyway... back to colour film, before coming to uni film in general was never something I'd explored or really properly tried, I did a little photoshoot film for the end of my Art Foundation but other than that and my YouTube this year it was never something I thought about doing. But WOW I actually can't believe how much I love it. Like I'd always thought a fashion journalist was the job for me but working on fashion film is just something else, it never feels like any effort to film & edit, it just feels natural. Don't get me wrong I'll love my blog and magazine writing but maybe I shouldn't be so hasty to narrow down my options. I guess this next semester will be the eye opener. 

Just a bit of a brain dump there, please allow it I just had to spend the past 2 hours putting about 100 images onto a word doc to print for tomorrow. *sighs* Still I do it because I love it, even if it does pain me a little to tear myself away from Peaky Blinders when I'm finally getting hooked on it! I am hoping to blog Friday too, not got anything scheduled for what it'll be yet, maybe I'll do a a little overview of our colour film, you watch I'll have probably changed my mind completely by then and will be ready to hibernate. Who knows?

Till Friday then.


Images: Taken from Pinterest.

Saturday, 3 March 2018

'Anti social' social club

My life revolves around the internet, sad but true. My social life, hobbies, to some extent even my uni course is based around whether or not I can connect to the wifi. Probably the first thing I do every morning is check my phone, snapchat, facebook, Instagram, twitter- it's almost like I have an obsession to see what I missed in the hours I was asleep. 

I love my phone. I love socials. Instagram is probably my favourite but I like them all. I love that sense of feeling in the loop even when I'm somewhere I probably wouldn't be in the loop otherwise. But it's scary how much of the day I obsess over it. Yes these things maybe happening in the world but are they happening in my world? No. And the sad reality is that revolving my life around what someone says on twitter or what they post on insta isn't going to affect me other then missing out on the times happening right in front of me. It doesn't matter if I don't see my favourite instagrammer's post the second they share it or it shouldn't anyway.

Living your life online is not living your life. 

I'm aware I'm more than just a bit addicted to the digital world, even when I don't need to I go on there for fun... my blog, my YouTube, my interests are all online which I'm not sure how I feel about. The internet is an amazing thing but it's kinda scary how being so socially active online can make you so socially unsocial- Where's the fun gone in talking to people? Just straight out conversations, there's no need to document every aspect of your life online... which is why I want to take breaks starting from now on. Not from blogging or YouTube and I don't think even if I really wanted to, I could switch off from the internet for an entire week or two, physically with a uni course that is so demanding with staying in the loop that just wouldn't be possible. By breaks I mean that I want to give myself a few hours a few times a week where I don't check my phone, hey there was life before the digital age. 

I just think it'll be refreshing. Every year when we go on holiday in the Summer that is basically my two weeks internet detox just because the places we travel to don't always have the best wifi or it's an
extra charge that isn't a necessity. When I go away I like to just completely switch off, unwind, laugh at things that are happening right in front of me rather than the other side of the world. People of a certain generation always say you can't live your life via a computer or phone screen and as annoying as it is to admit it, it's true. 

It's unhealthy for one thing. Recently on night outs I've stopped snapchatting the entire night just because I want to enjoy it more- I want to live the moment, okay so I don't mind snapping the odd
selfie or group pics but I'm not going to video record the night to share my night out with people who aren't even out. Everyone is guilty of a bit of bragging, social media couldn't provide a more perfect platform for doing so. I'm guilty of it. But really no one shares the shit stuff, they only share the endless holidays or night out pics, the stuff they want people to judge them on, the stuff that makes them look fun. But you can be having fun and not sharing it online, just because it isn't shared doesn't mean it isn't happening. 

On the whole I would say I'm not going to stop sharing my life online completely, after all social media is a vital part of my life and the career I want to have so I need them as sad as that may make me sound. But I want to stop being so self absorbed in it.

Is the internet making you socially unsocial?


Images: Pinterest

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