just do you

With lockdown is still popping off so I thought I'd check in and see how we're all doing

I actually can't quite believe it's almost June already, I feel like this year is going so quick and slow at the same time if that makes any sense at all. Here in the UK we're still in lockdown *sighs* I think it's about week 10 and it still feels surreal if I'm completely honest. I'm majorly missing seeing friends and my grandads, having snapchat constantly reminding of uni memories from this time last year where life was full of deadlines but equally so carefree and wild is making me sad. Personally lockdown has been both a good and a bad thing for me, I am enjoying the freetime to just do the shit I ought to be doing but wasn't, like working out, obsessing over shows like One Tree Hill, hanging out with my parents again because I totally stopped doing that and I'm even becoming a bit of a chef in the kitchen (who'd have thought it). I'm getting time to read again, take my beautiful dog on the walks she deserves and just stop for a hot minute to breathe to enjoy nice days again. On the flipside I do struggle with the emptiness of not having work to constantly be doing, some days I almost feel numb waking up in the morning because I don't really have anything to do and not having anywhere to be is lowkey making me feel all kinds of crazy. I love my parents but I am massively missing friend time and it's just hard. I'm a worrier anyway but job security is on my mind a lot at the minute like I'm sure it is for most people, it's scary not really knowing if this months paycheck will be your last. I thought lockdown would get easier but I think it's a case of learning to adapt, yes it is hella strange and screentime is going up by the day but that's okay, we're all just muddling through it. 

I am craving that heat you get when you step off the plane on holiday, cliche as it probably is I've realised that pre-lockdown I wasn't really living, I was still muddling through praying the next week will go quicker than the last. I was happy but I wasn't spontaneous, having everything up in the air at the minute is making me realise that even when everything is not planned life happens anyway, you have a choice every morning, you can wake up and feel sad or you can wake up admit you feel low but make the most of the day ahead. I am a hugeeeee believer in that everything happens for a reason and whilst okay I wish corona would just end already it has made people enjoy the simpler things in life again, we don't always need to be somewhere or be doing something as long as we are healthy and happy that's all we really need. I am a self confessed shopping addict and yes I have been that girl ordering stuff over lockdown, sometimes to fill the boredom other times to give me something to look forward too but mainly because I feel it will make me happier. I guess what I'm saying is that even with all this free time I think the pressure is still there to be filling it with things. I personally do this a lot, I will make myself feel bad for only doing a few hours illustrator learning or completing hypothetical client briefs super slowly because I feel that's what I should be doing. Okay so yes I do enjoy it most of the time but when I'm not feeling it that's okay too. I guess what I'm trying to say (stop rambling Gemma) is that I think we should be listening to our minds and bodies more, do what feels good for you and don't feel otherwise, if you want to spend a day tie dyeing clothes, or chilling in front of YouTube or baking or having an online shop, then that's all okay. Do whatever you want to do to make the days feel somewhat more bearable.  

I think we're all in agreement that we can't wait for this to be over but it is also true what people say 'we'll never get free time like this again (hopefully)' so live in the moment more, don't get consumed by the news and just breathe. I've started investing so much more time into things like fitness but equally chilling out and my mind is thankful for it. There is no way right way to get through a pandemic it's just a case of figuring out what's right for you. take it day by day and don't feel guilty for doing so. 

XXX