I just can't figure me out

For the first September in 17 years I am not going back into education and I really don't know how I feel about it. Like wowwwwww 17 years was a long time and now I have a lot of free time on my hands & no bloody idea of what to do with it all.

Obviously the long waiting game of job hunting has begun, after my internship in August I decided to go back to the drawing board and try to decide what I really what to achieve. Deciding this was a lot nicer by the pool in Morocco then actually putting it into action, so my parents have given me a deadline, find a 'proper' job by the end of October or it's back to Odeon until something pops up. Okay so I guessing what you're all thinking the end of October is a long time away and truth is it is, we haven't even started the month yet. But it's kinda hard to find a job when I just feel a bit stuck. The only way I can describe how I'm feeling is like being tank that's slowly filling with water and whilst there's a simple solution to open the lid I just can't figure it out. I just can't figure me out. 

As cliche, naive and whatever else you want to call it, I know I want to achieve something amazing but I feel like a failure because I'm not achieving that amazing thing right here & now. I think more people need to talk about life after uni because finishing and graduating university is an amazing thing, but no-one really talks about how your meant to feel after, I'm talking about after all the hype has died down and suddenly the people you graduated with are split between having found their 'it' that first proper job and just being stuck in the in-between. I loved my course & my uni but no one tells you how you can quite literally apply to hundreds of jobs and not get one offer even with the degree grade, or how even landing an interview is a mission on it's own and of course how to deal with the rejection of going through all that and ending up back at square 1 again. Adulting is hard and it can be proper deflating, at uni I felt so sure of everything and now I don't feel sure of anything. I want to feel inspired again but I just don't know how to get there. 

I've started forcing myself to physically be creative but like any creative knows forcing yourself is not going to make you create anything you really like or want to share with the world. I just want to feel like me again. So if you have any advice I'm all ears to listen. I need to find my mojo again & rediscover that thing that makes me jump out of bed in the morning.

XXX