Adulthood is a scary word, yes it's exciting the thought of what the future may hold but at the same time I can't help but think am I quite ready for it all? Lets face it, your entire childhood life is about building up skills, qualifications and experiences ready for that moment you have to go out into the big, wide world...
I turn 21 this summer and quite frankly I still feel about 17 years old, I'm not sure I'm ready to become an official adult. Okay so maybe I am half way there already, after all I pay my own phone bill, I manage my own commitments, I'm the lead tennant for our student house, I have my driving license but am I quite ready? Uni to me makes you grow up, you have to learn to cook for yourself, wash your clothes yourself, budget as well as handling a social life and those all important deadlines. Sometimes it does feel like you're at the circus and you're the act juggling your life whilst people around you are waiting to see if you slip up. Life is hard.
A few months back I even had to renew my own passport myself and let me tell you that was the first time I felt like an adult since passing my driving test 2 years ago. Don't get me wrong I'm excited for the future and I may be a little weird saying this but I can't wait to get my first full time job (hopefully at a magazine), it feels like I've been working my entire life to get to this point so now third's years just around the corner it feels like everything's falling into place. I saw a tweet yesterday which basically said "Ever feel like your life is falling together and falling apart at the same time" and honestly I have never related to something anymore in my life. Life does feel like it's falling together at the minute, I had a fab group of friends, my course is going well and even my social life is somewhat existent which really is a miracle in itself! But perhaps most important of all I feel the happiest I've felt in years, I don't know if it's because I'm growing up or what but even little things like my relationship with my parents has changed, we no longer argue about the stupid stuff. Then at the same time my life feels like it's falling apart, deadlines have me stressed even though they are a few months away, the amount of work I have to do gives me about 5 heart attacks a day, the internship hunt for summer is going about as flat as my job hunt and I'm worried about going into third year after summer. I'm scared and stressed about the workload, I know I'll have at least one breakdown a week and I don't want to think about life after uni quite just yet at least.
So maybe I am taking that leap from childhood to adulthood, before you know it I'll be moving out permanently, settling down into this own life that I've created. I have friends who are already at this stage, they're moving out, having babies, getting engaged they're actual adults! Like they're not children anymore. Then there's me who still enjoys the chocolate milk you get after a bowl of coco pops and just a roundabout part time comedian when I'm not head down in my sketchbook.
But I guess that's okay, I guess you don't always have to be conventional, because no offence to anyone but conventional can get very boring, very quickly. One thing I have never been is standard, one day I'll dress head to toe Clueless themed and the next I'll look about as far as you can get from a fashion student, yes I do own a pair of crocs and yes I do wear them with socks. I am ashamed. Take my music taste even, one minute I can be jamming out to Busted, the next a bit of Ella Eyre or Fifth Harmony, then maybe some Halsey or the Hunna before doing the full circle and listening to Dolly Parton... "working 9-5 what a way to make a living...".
So yeh that's me a bit of a odd mix, or maybe just a bit odd to be honest. But I think I am about ready to admit I am becoming an adult. Okay so I'll probably still have those childish 'I'm not going' strops and you better believe it'll be a while before I stop playing pranks because my inner tomboy isn't going anyway anytime soon but maybe I am ready to enter what seems to be the mundane part of my life, adulthood. Or maybe it might just be my most exciting adventure yet... I'll guess you'll just have to stick around to find out.
See you Monday
XOX
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