You decide

All too often I feel we question if it's worth it, if they're worth it and perhaps most importantly if we're worth it. Summer so far hasn't been a massively exciting one but it has changed me more than I think I ever imagined it could... and I have more than a few people to thank for that. 

I guess working this summer has made me realise that I don't need to doubt myself anymore than I already do, I don't need to make myself feel more insecure than I already do because at the end of the day I don't have any real reason to make myself feel like that. If you want to talk to me than great, if you don't then that's no loss either because you're never going to a 100% please everyone around you. That's life, you can either try but fail trying to please everyone or you can stop trying so hard and just let people accept that you are you, regardless of what anyone says or thinks is going to change that. 

I saw a really good quote the other day "stop waiting for friday, for summer, for someone to fall in love with you, for life. Happiness is achieved when you stop waiting for it and make the most of the situation you're in now" that really struck a cord with me. I am a moaner of a lot of things, the weather (I'm typically British), of money (I'm a student) and of the lack of excitement in my life (my life certainly isn't rose tinted). But the truth is lately things have finally started going my way, I got the job that I searched for years for, hopefully if it goes well then I should be covered for every holiday now on and when I graduate uni next summer. I love it- yes I moan about the shifts that sometimes feel days long but seriously deep down I'm happy where I am. Suddenly it doesn't bother me to go up to a complete stranger and ask them if they're okay because I spend my day talking to people. It's actually shocked me how much I enjoy it, I've got to know people lately that without my situation changing I would never have known. It's so weird to think I've known these people for barely no time at all yet I already feel so comfortable around them. I don't feel awkward or have constant paranoia about what they think of me because at the end of the day they don't have to get on with me but I don't have to get on with them. Growing up is realising that there are some people you will automatically click with, others you won't, some people will work their butts off, others are happy letting other people get them to where they want to be, some people you'll have banter with and others you simply won't. The world of work so far has been a funny one. But I'm so over the moon to be a part of it.

Quieter days get me thinking... we spend our day trying to please others but the one person we're probably not always pleasing is ourselves. I'm not saying be utterly selfish. Look at situations from other people's point of view but don't go through life constantly seeking approval because at the end of the day the only approval you really need to seek is your own. You have your own mind, your own opinions, your own personality, you are an individual and that's great embrace it! Be happy to be you! Yes other people may be doing more exciting things with their lives but that doesn't mean that their version of happiness is the same as yours. Sometimes you've just got to accept things will happen if they're going to happen whether you like it or not, worrying about situations isn't going to change the inevitable instead will only put you through something twice. You have a decision to make when you wake up in the morning, you can either run straight ahead and never look back, grabbing opportunities with both hands or you can constantly go round on loop, never getting anywhere new. 

You choose.

Knowing who is worth your love and who isn't is priceless, family, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends. You decide. I am a firm believer in that people come into your life for a reason and others leave for a reason. But to achieve happiness with yourself can only come from within. The people we meet teach us lessons about others and most importantly about ourselves but it's how we use these situations that make us grow. So quit worrying about the possibilities of tomorrow and focus on the here & now. Maybe that's what happiness really is after all... 

XOXO

Pictures: Pinterest.

Summer on the up..

I'm back! 

(Well just about)

It's been almost a month since I wrote my selfish or what post, where you may remember me saying how determined I was to make this Summer my best yet. A month later I'm here to catch up because gut instincts tell me I may have been right after all....

First up let's begin with my YouTube... so yeh I said I wanted to put time into it this holiday and so far I've filmed about 2 videos. Don't get me wrong my love for filming and YouTube is still there but it just felt like the past month has been a lot more hectic than planned and it got to the point where I didn't want my downtime to be spent online. So that's taking a back seat for the meantime anyway, I am still going to be uploading this summer but when I feel like it not so much because I have too. Probably not the best plan in the world when your trying to grow an audience but it's what feels right and I have to go with that. I don't want to miss out on fun times in the sun just because I'm devoting my summer to a dream that may not go anywhere. Although Instagram wise my creative account is becoming much more fashion/ outfit based which is exciting and I've actually been approached by a few brands about working with them. Not entirely sure where these will take me yet or even if they will actually happen but watch this space....

Okay let's talk internships.... mannnnn they are DAMN hard to get. You may remember a few posts back I said something on this front may be about to change and truth is I didn't get it. It was an amazing opportunity at SkinnyDip and not going to lie I did feel somewhat disheartened about not being successful but obviously it wasn't meant to be. It was a great opportunity to interact with SkinnyDip through the interview process and I have definitely learnt lessons from this situation. In hindsight it's probably best it didn't work out because the position was marketing based- an aspect of my course I'd rather not venture down so it clearly wasn't right for me. And how on earth I ever thought it'd be possible for me to fund myself living in London for summer is beyond me! Still I've got my foot in the door with them and they said to keep in touch as well, so I'm going to take nothing but positives from it. Following on from this I've been in touch with the BBC and my local newspaper, the Leicester Mercury about possibly doing some experience with them which I'm hopeful should work out. I'm hoping to chat to MTV too because not only would that be a great place to intern but as I'd like to look down the music video route for my dissertation it would be highly valuable. 

On to the next thing...

Apparently I am now an *official* adult, I've turned 18, turned 20 so next up on the big birthdays front was my 21st... yes shocker of the year me and my unbelievable babyface are actually now 21. How mad is that hey? I had an amazing day in London having afternoon tea at my place of dreams, Sketch. I've followed that place for so long on social medias and to say I've actually been is slightly unreal. It blew me (and my dads wallet) away. Honestly I couldn't have asked for anything better- a beautiful day, with beautiful people in a beautiful place. I was a very happy girl (well still am to be honest). Present wise I'm not one to brag about what I got but I got some really, lovely thoughtful, keepsake gifts that I hope to treasure for years to come. Then on the 14th July, a few days after my birthday, I caught up with a couple of close friends over a pizza and a long awaited trip to the cinema to see Incredibles 2. I don't want to give any spoilers away but it was well worth the 14 year wait for the sequel and a perfect way to round up my 21st celebrations. 

Speaking of cinemas... so umm I am now an employed person at my local Odeon!!!!! Yes that number of exclamation marks were needed because I AM OVER THE MOON. Not only have I always wanted to work in a cinema but I finally got a job, like an actual job- somebody pinch me! I had my trial shift yesterday and it went so much better than I imagined it could, the staff are super friendly so far! And even more surprising I didn't feel too nervous, like I was shaking walking through those doors yesterday but an hour in it just felt natural you know. Weird story actually to how I came to applying there... so I actually got a job a few weeks back at my local nightclub, went for a shift there and realised that the hours simply were not for me, not getting to bed till 5/6am is not the life I wanted to lead. So after waking up the following morning feeling depressed and tearful about the fact that I was back to square one again with the job hunt, I began my hunt on indeed.com where I saw the cinema vacancy pop up and the rest well is history. It's just so weird because if I had never applied to the nightclub & done a shift there then I would never have looked at indeed when I did so I would never have heard about the cinema opening. I am a believer in fate and I can't help but feel this cinema job was meant to be. Crazy! Opportunities really do come along when you least expect it. 

So that's about it... and I've still got 2 and half months of summer left! 

I would be lying if I said I wasn't still nervous about my job at the cinema, like I think it'll take me a good week or so to comfortably find my feet but I'm just so happy I got it. Can't shake the smile off. Not that sure if the rest of my summer will be all that exciting but hopefully work will go well and I still potentially have our family holiday to look forward to- at the minute it's between Mexico & Jamaica so let's just see where summer takes me. 

I am going to do research for my dissertation and go to a few relevant exhibitions in August as well which I'm excited for. 

So who knows how the rest of my summer will pan out but what I do know is maybe I was right after all...

Speak soon

xoxo

Pictures- are all my own 

LETS TALK SS18 STYLE GOALS

Sorry I haven't been as regular on here as I said I would be, it's been a busy last week, what with my Dad's birthday, interviews for potential summer work & internship roles, I didn't have the spare time to sit down and write. The only thing that remains consistent in my life at the minute is Love Island, and I'm living for Tuesday's night episode- the non stop drama had me glued to my TV screen! 

YouTube wise it's going well, I'm loving it and I'm actually really enjoying being more chatty on my videos, my channel is never gonna be as exciting as other channels out there but I'm really proud of it. I'm producing content that I'm loving creating even if my laptop does keep telling me it has a lack of storage because of all the filming clips- it's driving me crazy! 
Over the next few weeks I'm hoping to do a Q&A video & a lookbook which is exciting! My last vid is about my uni experience so far, surprisingly I loved talking all about it, don't think I've ever felt so honest in a video before, so I'll probably do some more uni related videos too.
I'll leave it below if you want to check it out: 

Today I thought I'd chat about summer style, in particular the looks I'm loving right now and what I'm hoping to somehow pull off this year. so lets get cracking...

Before we begin I just thought I'd talk about our personal style icons.

Everyone has someone that they look to for style inspo whether that's a celebrity or a friend, I'm always bouncing new style ideas around in my mind picked up from people all around me. Instagram & Pinterest are great tools to see what works as well. Personally a style icon of mine is Ella Eyre, not only have I long time been obsessed with her music but I adore her style. Honestly everything she wears I wish would somehow magic itself into my wardrobe! I feel Ella knows who she is when it comes to her style, it's a bit quirky, on trend but in an unconventional way and she likes to push boundaries. I would say that sums up what I know of her & her music. Another person I love to follow is Ann-Marie, another girl with great style in my eyes!

Summer this year I want to wear the clothes I love! Coming home from uni for summer break, I've had a massive clear out of all the rubbish that I no longer like to wear or is too big for me now- those gym days are finally paying off!

So let's see what looks I'm going for this summer break, shall we?

STYLE LOOK 1: T-SHRT DRESSES

I've loved t-shirt dresses for a LONG time, they're just so casual, so cool and so effortless. You can literally just throw one on and you're good to go! Over the last year or so I've collected a few really cool ones which I'm hoping to rock with my vans this summer. I'm hoping to local checkout vintage stores for a bit more unusual ones too! Btw mens t-shirts make the perfect dress. 

If you haven't already guessed by now my style is a bit quirky, I hate the ordinary, don't get me wrong it looks great on others but I like pushing boundaries with my style. Studying fashion I'm very aware of trends but I wouldn't really say I follow them, I wear things because I love them not because they're 'in' right now. I'm definitely not afraid to stand out when it comes to fashion. 

STYLE LOOK 2: FISHNET GRUNGE

Now hear me out before you judge here please.

I'm a fan of the grunge trend just because it's cool and quite funky. Don't get me wrong I love colour but I am a lover of black also. I think this will be more my style towards the end of summer because those fishnet suntan lines are not the one for me haha. I think I'll try making it a bit less dark which will be my take on the trend.

STYLE LOOK 3: PLAYFUL CROPS

Crop tees and sweatshirts are a bit of me! Especially cropped sweaters, because the British summer is never that reliable so a jumper will keep you covered when the weather unexpectedly changes. Plus when you're like me and you don't like showing off your entire body it keeps you a bit more covered when wearing shorts or skirts. I think crop tees are really fun and something that can be super cheap and playful, you could even DIY your own designs onto your old tees to give them a new refresh. 

STYLE LOOK 4: WHO WEARS THE TROUSERS?

I'm a sucker for bold, 'in your face' trousers. Personally I feel more comfortable in trousers than skirts/shorts just because you can show off your figure in the right pair but it's nothing too revealing if you get me. They just make me feel good, like I can conquer anything. Recently I've really gone off jeans completely, nowadays if I have to wear jeans they tend to be mom style- I'm actually desperate for a black pair. Flares, wide leg, joggers, culotte trousers are SO much more comfortable- why would I opt for jeans when I can be living life in style AND comfort with a pair of joggers?

I need to know where these checkerboard trousers below are from!!!!

I AM OBSESSED!

They are so freaking cool.

STYLE LOOK 5: SOCKS FOR SORE EYES?

Bit of a weird one but I'm lover of socks all year round. Maybe it's that Stance uni project rubbing off on me but lately I've really started wanting to make how I wear my socks that bit more interesting and quirky. I am loving the socks and trainers trend going around at the minute, not everyone's a fan I know but I like seeing socks beyond the top of the shoe. Don't hate on me but I am sucker for the socks and sliders trend as well!

STYLE LOOK 6: BOLDER THE SWIMSUIT THE....

My day to day clothes are far from ordinary so why would you ever think my swimsuits wouldn't be? Previous years I've tended to wear the same swimsuits year after year, but coming home for this summer break I was a little shocked to find all my swimwear too big for me. So I've been gradually investing in 3 really good but quirky, swimsuits which should last a few years to come (especially if travelling is potentially on the cards after uni). So far I've got 2, one from Zara and the other from Warehouse, I've got my sights on one from ASOS but it's currently still out of stock unfortunately for me but I'm hopeful. So please can we all pray I get the swimsuit of my dreams!

Hope you all enjoyed this post, I'm obsessed with these looks. I'd love to hear what looks you're loving right now and into the summer months ahead! At some point I'm hoping to do a styling/ lookbook video on my YouTube channel so subscribe to make sure you don't miss that. 

Love you all lots & enjoy this fabulous summer weather we've got atm- ahhhh it's bliss.

xox

Images: Pinterest & Instagram 

Video: LippieTalk

selfish or what?

Ahhhh summer time really is the best time. 

Honestly I've felt nothing but bliss since I handed in my work a few weeks back, it just feels like a weight has been completely lifted off my shoulders. It's just so nice to be able to waste time and not feel guilty for it, but at the same time be able to use my time to focus on the things I've really neglected the last 6 months. 

Okay so I would be lying if I said the worry of what grade I'll get is completely out of my mind but I'm try to not think about it, after all it's out of my hands now. 

I don't think I've ever had a summer break where I've said you know what I'm going to be completely selfish this year until now that is. Second year was incredible, the friends I made, the experiences I had, the motivation I gained- I owe second year a lot. But now it's time for me. Time to be completely, utterly, entirely selfish. To use my time to work on things that I'm really passionate about. Controversial I know but I feel like it's about time I was due a break to do the things I want to do. Third year is a good 4 months away so I want to do my research, get into the projects I want to do alongside third year and to use my time to go to the events I want to go to, work with the brands I want to collaborate with. I'm excited!

I finally got round to filming another YouTube video today and it felt so damn good. I was a little nervous incase I'd lost my love for it but safe to say I definitely haven't. It's just so nice to be able to do work for fun instead of because I have to, summer breaks should be for that. The job hunt is somewhat never ending and the internship front well that may be about to change but I don't want to get my hopes up just yet and jinxs things. 

But I'm keeping my fingers crossed & my mouth zipped. 

Pinterest.

The three main areas I really want to work on this summer are my brand Instagram, YouTube and this little blog. All three are passions I love to pieces, but all 3 are never going to get anywhere if I'm not prepared to put the work in. 'Do your future self a favour, work hard now'. I'm not saying they're going to go anywhere but I want to give them a shot and see where the opportunities take me. Who knows but I'm excited by the unknown. 

Kicking off with my instagram. Friends will know I have two accounts, a personal one that I'm soon to make private and my creative one which will stay public. Don't get me wrong I love both, but the creative one is the platform I really want to work on. I want to feature a lot more outfit posts, getting creative with the way I do them, I want to give sneak peaks of my YouTube and I want it to be the main platform associated with my brand 'LippieTalk'- I'm emotionally invested. Financially creating a good feed costs nothing, all I need is the 'get up and do it' attitude and my mum as photographer (she's actually pretty good!). People may say I'm silly to invest so much time into social media but when it's the line of work I want to go down I personally feel it's time well spent. 

 Other than working on those three areas, I want to start saving, I mean seriously start saving. This time next year after I hopefully graduate I want to go travelling for 6 months to a year, it's something I've wanted to do for as long as I can remember but it's an expensive goal. Originally my plan was to travel America but slowly Australia & New Zealand are looking more appealing. Working on my brand and working out on my fitness not only fill my free time but they are hobbies that cost next to nothing but will be rewarding if I somehow make them successful. 

Pinterest.

I love being at home but sometimes it can get a little dull & I can get a bit lost at what to do with myself so hopefully these things will occupy my time. Yes to some people my summer plans may sound like their version of hell but to me I can't help but get excited and maybe a little ahead of myself but where's the harm in that hey?

See you tomorrow on my YouTube because there's a new video coming and Friday back here.

XOX

Pictures: Own unless stated otherwise.

About time hey hun?

Well, well, well I think an actual miracle has just occurred because I've actually opened blogger for about the first time in 2 months. 

"About time hey hun"

'Life just got a little bit crazy' seems to be what I ALWAYS say but believe me it did! I don't even think I properly stopped to breathe for a second in those entire 2 months. Suddenly I had the biggest presentation of my entire life, about 7 deadlines due all on one day and I was a just that girl who practically moved into the library for about a month and lived off a diet of meal deals so the summer body's going well. Honestly today or yesterday as you're reading this is the first time I've stopped in a long time. Simple things like just strolling around the shops, going gym or meeting friends for lunch were all severely neglected the past 2 months. I was low key having a mini mental breakdown everyday but somehow I got through it. Yes that's right I've completely finished second year woo *breathes a sigh of relief*, I don't know how I did it, I was half human, half zombie for the last week of deadlines but somehow I got there finally! I don't think I'd have been able to do it without my friends keeping me sane, those few nights out and the thought of a much needed 4 month summer break ahead. 

SUMMER 2018 I AM READY FOR YOU!

CREDIT TOPGIRL STUDIO.

To help me get back into blogging and to get you guys up to speed I thought I'd quickly bring you all up to date with my life over the past two months... don't expect anything crazy! The craziest I got was spending a 14 hour day in the library with only food to keep me sane. 

So what feels like a lifetime ago I had the biggest presentation I've ever done, presenting our film not only to our lecturers but to someone from Stance, the American sock brand we had our project on. Safe to say I was terrified, we were terrified. But in actual fact our film was picked by Stance for winning best commercial film which I was absolutely over the moon with! Not only did that project make me feel like I was finally getting somewhere in life but it completely changed my mindset about the field I want to graduate into. You see I've always been creative, always been that arty kid, I was drawing on the fireplace before I could barely walk much to my parents dismay. But for me there was something about writing, it just clicked, I just clicked, it never felt like a chore to do and having this blog allowed me to explore my tone of voice and style. 

The Stance film project threw me into areas I'd never really considered before, the whole filming and editing process wasn't even something that remotely crossed my mind. But even though that was probably the most intense project of my life, it was also the best. I'm not saying I'm gonna give up on the whole magazine dream but I'm ready to explore the option of video editor/ filmographer too. Honestly something about that project changed me, you can see it in my other work as well. Making that film made me so determined to produce work that I'd never even dream of doing, my style changed, I created my own brand recipe. Suddenly it felt like all my skills fell into place at the right time. I produced a dissertation proposal that I fell in love with, my business cards (image below) fill me with pride every time I look at them and knowing what my end goal is makes me SO excited for third year.

 

I even made my own online portfolio if you want to check it out

Ah yes the topic of third year... so umm would someone kindly like to explain to me where the past two years of uni have gone because I honestly couldn't tell you. I bloody love uni and I love everyone I've met because of it, honestly there's been some really amazing people who I hope will be friends for life. I don't know what it's been about second year but I just feel like the friendships I've made feel so much stronger, the people I've met feel so much more like it was fate they're in my life and I just feel so much happier! Every time my parents come to visit they always say how proud they are of me and to be honest I always kinda awkwardly laugh and brush it off but I'm proud of myself too. Don't think I'm big headed or anything please but I honestly am and I'm happier & more me than I've ever been in my entire life. I'm excited for the future, I'm weirdly and quite frankly oddly excited for third year, the thought of what after next year might bring, the dream is to be able to travel the world with hopefully a job that I love to pieces.

 For me this was the year where I became so much more comfortable in myself and less focused on the materialistic things but rather the actual experiences & memories. Okay so I'm still a compulsive clothing addict but I'm a fashion student what can I say?!? But seriously I would hands down rather create memories than own that new top on the ASOS website. I was asking people a few days back would you rather have the perfect life or the perfect relationship, and I would rather the perfect relationship- okay I know I maybe lame for still believing in a good old fairytale but I'm a sucker for a love story. Take Meghan & Prince Harry's wedding, watching that on the tv was just breathe taking I have honestly never seen such a fairytale wedding before in my life, okay so they exist in movies but not normally in reality. I watched a film Saturday night called The Kissing Booth on Netflix and honestly it was the cutest thing I've ever watched, it low key depressed me and my current single self but lol it kinda gave me hope in a naive way. Yes I know I'm an idiot for holding out hope that one day I might have relationship half as cute as that but you better believe I am. I guess some things never change. 

So summer plans are still slightly lacking right now, I am going away with my parents but I don't know when or where for definite just yet so it's nice to see we're organised. Other then that there's nothing. So as usual I've applied for endless jobs & internships and no doubt I'll be about as lucky as a cat who's used up all of it's 9 lives. But something in my stomach tells me this summer is going to be the best yet, I'm not quite sure how or why just yet. You know when you just get that feeling. I'm hoping to do a festival and a few spontaneous trips round the UK, maybe even Europe if I'm lucky. Besides that I want to do stuff relating to my course, go to events, talks, places that'll be useful for me and potential dissertation ideas. Ahhh how am I at the almost dissertation stage already?!? I feel like I blinked and two years of uni have just gone, right now I'm stuck for what I want to do after uni, I know it's still a year away but I need to start thinking about these things. I know I don't want to stay in Nottingham and I definitely don't want to move back home, don't get me wrong I love my family to pieces but that's not where I see myself long term. The real dream is to travel, but financially is that a plausible option? who knows?

The main thing right now though is to make this summer amazing, I want to travel more, meet new people, as well as catching up with old friends and I want to really concentrate on this blog & my YouTube. Who knows what's going to happen but one thing's for sure I'm ready to make plans. I'm ready to be spontaneous!

So stick around a while because it's gonna be a long, hot summer (and yes I am an avid Love Island fan who is very prepared for it to take over my entire life from tonight 9pm) 

XOX

PICTURES: own unless stated otherwise.

Am I Growing up?

Adulthood is a scary word, yes it's exciting the thought of what the future may hold but at the same time I can't help but think am I quite ready for it all? Lets face it, your entire childhood life is about building up skills, qualifications and experiences ready for that moment you have to go out into the big, wide world... 

I turn 21 this summer and quite frankly I still feel about 17 years old, I'm not sure I'm ready to become an official adult. Okay so maybe I am half way there already, after all I pay my own phone bill, I manage my own commitments, I'm the lead tennant for our student house, I have my driving license but am I quite ready? Uni to me makes you grow up, you have to learn to cook for yourself, wash your clothes yourself, budget as well as handling a social life and those all important deadlines. Sometimes it does feel like you're at the circus and you're the act juggling your life whilst people around you are waiting to see if you slip up. Life is hard. 

A few months back I even had to renew my own passport myself and let me tell you that was the first time I felt like an adult since passing my driving test 2 years ago. Don't get me wrong I'm excited for the future and I may be a little weird saying this but I can't wait to get my first full time job (hopefully at a magazine), it feels like I've been working my entire life to get to this point so now third's years just around the corner it feels like everything's falling into place. I saw a tweet yesterday which basically said "Ever feel like your life is falling together and falling apart at the same time" and honestly I have never related to something anymore in my life. Life does feel like it's falling together at the minute, I had a fab group of friends, my course is going well and even my social life is somewhat existent which really is a miracle in itself! But perhaps most important of all I feel the happiest I've felt in years, I don't know if it's because I'm growing up or what but even little things like my relationship with my parents has changed, we no longer argue about the stupid stuff. Then at the same time my life feels like it's falling apart, deadlines have me stressed even though they are a few months away, the amount of work I have to do gives me about 5 heart attacks a day, the internship hunt for summer is going about as flat as my job hunt and I'm worried about going into third year after summer. I'm scared and stressed about the workload, I know I'll have at least one breakdown a week and I don't want to think about life after uni quite just yet at least. 

So maybe I am taking that leap from childhood to adulthood, before you know it I'll be moving out permanently, settling down into this own life that I've created. I have friends who are already at this stage, they're moving out, having babies, getting engaged they're actual adults! Like they're not children anymore. Then there's me who still enjoys the chocolate milk you get after a bowl of coco pops and just a roundabout part time comedian when I'm not head down in my sketchbook. 

But I guess that's okay, I guess you don't always have to be conventional, because no offence to anyone but conventional can get very boring, very quickly. One thing I have never been is standard, one day I'll dress head to toe Clueless themed and the next I'll look about as far as you can get from a fashion student, yes I do own a pair of crocs and yes I do wear them with socks. I am ashamed. Take my music taste even, one minute I can be jamming out to Busted, the next a bit of Ella Eyre or Fifth Harmony, then maybe some Halsey or the Hunna before doing the full circle and listening to Dolly Parton... "working 9-5 what a way to make a living...". 

So yeh that's me a bit of a odd mix, or maybe just a bit odd to be honest. But I think I am about ready to admit I am becoming an adult. Okay so I'll probably still have those childish 'I'm not going' strops and you better believe it'll be a while before I stop playing pranks because my inner tomboy isn't going anyway anytime soon but maybe I am ready to enter what seems to be the mundane part of my life, adulthood. Or maybe it might just be my most exciting adventure yet... I'll guess you'll just have to stick around to find out.

See you Monday 

XOX 

Clearly clueless

It has been a while since I last posted... life got hectic very quickly, suddenly I was drowning in presentation after presentation, I had a truck load of sketchbook work that needed attention and I really had no motivation to sit down & write. 

I've always said this blog has never been something I wanted to become a chore to do, writing to me feels like nothing else, it's like when I put my thoughts on the page everything honestly becomes clearer than it ever could in my head. With this blog fast approaching that what feels unreal 50K mark, I didn't want my content to not mean anything any more. I started this because I wanted to, because to me having this space made that huge dream of writing for The NY Times or magazines such as i-D or Dazed feel that bit more achievable. So when I suddenly felt uninspired by everything happening in my life the last thing I wanted to do was sit down and type. But I'm back. Still with that truck load of work trailing slowly behind me but feeling somewhat more 'me' and motivated for this place again. I'm going to say this now... I probably won't be back consistently but I think writing my thoughts on here might just save me in the stressful deadline months to come. 

I would say I'm 'Clearly Clueless' in a LOT of things, being 20 definitely doesn't make you not make mistakes believe me! Life let's face it needs a clueless reaction sometimes, after all we're only human, cheesy I know but it doesn't matter if you make mistakes what matters is how you overcome them. I am that friend who gets asked a lot for advice, obviously I give my opinion but I can't help but think 'I'm clueless in that why ask me?'. But today it dawned on me that just because you're clueless in something doesn't mean you don't have the right to say what you think, sometimes you need that clueless point of view for everything to properly make sense. 

Right before this Easter break we were given our scariest brief yet, perhaps one I've never been more clueless about... a report on 2 possible final year dissertation ideas and I'm internally screaming not going to lie. I don't feel ready for something that seems so serious, I'm clueless in what I want to do... suddenly that cap and gown day feels scarily close. Whilst to graduate and to hopefully work successfully in the magazine field is still my dream, it's frightening to think how fast it's approaching. I feel like I just want to press pause on the whole uni experience, I love the uni bubble more than I ever thought I possibly could, it really is like having the best of both worlds between home & uni. Yes there are times where I have to live off pesto pasta because thats about all I can afford and although I love my course it generally makes me question my sanity when I end up spending hours perfecting a sketchbook page or an indesign layout. But I wouldn't change a thing. Not the people, not the course, not the partying, not any of it, well maybe the debt but thats about all. Uni for me is that one place where I don't feel clueless, it feels like I have my little indecisive life somewhat slightly organised in a dysfunctional way. It makes me feel happy. 

So maybe I'm not as clueless as I first thought, maybe I shouldn't panic. Yes third term starts in 2 weeks and I know it'll be hella stressful... don't even get me started on third year. But at the end of it all I shouldn't be clueless, I've done the studying, I've attended almost all the lectures (it wasn't me it was the vodka lemonade) I am getting there, I know I am. I know what I want to achieve so guess you could argue I'm really not that clueless at all. Maybe a little unsure but right now it feels like the most clueless thing about me is my dress sense (yes that outfit above was entirely inspired by the film & Lissy Roddy's insta). There isn't anything clueless about that.

Stick around because I am getting my schedule back on track, so see you Friday for more clueless ramblings.

XOX

Images: All my own.

Something Blue

If you read my previous post you'll know that this last week was our colour film project, and it actually went really well. We did originally struggle with deciding on a concept because it's hard to go from being briefed to brainstorming to filming in the space of 3 days, but that's something as creative individuals we have to just learn to get good at. I wouldn't say idea generation is my strong point like I do get good ideas but I can't do them quickly for me it takes time, I also still struggle with the fear of sounding stupid which that statement alone sounds stupid. I think we all agreed that our concept wasn't the strongest, if we'd have had longer to do the task we'd go with a concept that we all really loved, but the main thing is that we've learnt a lot from this for our fashion film brief.

Time scale wise that wasn't possible to spend I long time on the idea, we had to work fast.

We came up with the concept of 'Something Blue' which is based around the idea of a wedding day, obviously it's seen as tradition to wear something blue for luck, as well as having something old and new. We thought it was a cute concept and one that would be quite simple to achieve but will hopefully be effective to see. However... umm filming didn't quite go to plan, it just didn't look how we wanted it to, the time we were filming outside meant that we struggled with the exposure brightness levels so everything just ended up looking really white. So we went back to the drawing board, quite literally. As a back up we had a stop motion idea of drawing out a wedding day from going into church to driving off as newly weds in the car. It was a fun idea to do, gave me chance to get back into drawing after a good year of barely doing any, in a way it showed me how much I missed it. Okay so it took a long time to do but we worked well as a team, pulled together and made sure that everyone had a role and input. 

It worked out so well and made our job of editing so much easier it's literally a case of putting all the pictures together and overlaying some music which we're hoping to do the Marry You by Bruno Mars, we're still undecided by whether to play the instrumental version or to have to actual lyrics in there, we'll try both and see what we think works best. Personally I absolutely loved this idea, I just think it's a really unusual way of doing a wedding themed video yet it's not cliché. As a group we decided we wanted to focus on the props associated with the day rather than the couple, just thought it was a different take on things and allowed us to appreciate props, which is good especially for when it comes to our Fashion Film.

I think this was a good learning week for us, it tested how we work as a team, let's us know who has what strengths and how best we work together, we made some mistakes but we also learnt from them. All that's left to do now is to finish editing and to show it in our film presentation, I can't wait to see it finished and see what other groups have been doing too. It should be really fun to see and will hopefully give us ideas for the next brief. 

See you Monday

XOX

Images: All my own

Colour Film

Firstly I know this is very late in the day to post, second it'll will probably be short because hey I'm a stressed FCP student with a workload deeper than the snow last week, and thirdly I think I'm probably about to start my favourite uni project yet... Colour Film!

Okay so it's stressful because it only a week long, in that time we need to brainstorm an idea, shoot the film on location, organise props/ models/ styling, edit and present our film for whatever colour we picked as a team. Luckily we got blue which has quite a few connotations with the previous trend forecasting work we did. Military, the Royals, the Navy, it was a good choice really even if I was a little unsure when we chose that one still I need to learn to not be so quick to judge because so far it's going okay. Yes it is currently day 1, ask me again on day 3 when its shoot time but still *breathe* it'll be totally fine, we've got this. 

I'm actually buzzing to start this work which leads onto our last project of second year, Fashion Film, yes I am absolutely in love my course right now, who needs boys when you have projects like this? Very scary that second year feels like it's whizzing by, I just want time to slow down for a while, I'm not sure I'm ready fo the stressful hell that is third year. Let alone that but I'm not sure I'm even remotely ready to leave the uni bubble- it's a scary, scary thought, uni really has been the BEST decision I ever made surely life after it can't get much better? Yes I have dreams/ ambitions but will I actually be able to make them become true? Nope this year's going too fast for my liking. 

Anyway... back to colour film, before coming to uni film in general was never something I'd explored or really properly tried, I did a little photoshoot film for the end of my Art Foundation but other than that and my YouTube this year it was never something I thought about doing. But WOW I actually can't believe how much I love it. Like I'd always thought a fashion journalist was the job for me but working on fashion film is just something else, it never feels like any effort to film & edit, it just feels natural. Don't get me wrong I'll love my blog and magazine writing but maybe I shouldn't be so hasty to narrow down my options. I guess this next semester will be the eye opener. 

Just a bit of a brain dump there, please allow it I just had to spend the past 2 hours putting about 100 images onto a word doc to print for tomorrow. *sighs* Still I do it because I love it, even if it does pain me a little to tear myself away from Peaky Blinders when I'm finally getting hooked on it! I am hoping to blog Friday too, not got anything scheduled for what it'll be yet, maybe I'll do a a little overview of our colour film, you watch I'll have probably changed my mind completely by then and will be ready to hibernate. Who knows?

Till Friday then.

XOX 

Images: Taken from Pinterest.

'Anti social' social club

My life revolves around the internet, sad but true. My social life, hobbies, to some extent even my uni course is based around whether or not I can connect to the wifi. Probably the first thing I do every morning is check my phone, snapchat, facebook, Instagram, twitter- it's almost like I have an obsession to see what I missed in the hours I was asleep. 

I love my phone. I love socials. Instagram is probably my favourite but I like them all. I love that sense of feeling in the loop even when I'm somewhere I probably wouldn't be in the loop otherwise. But it's scary how much of the day I obsess over it. Yes these things maybe happening in the world but are they happening in my world? No. And the sad reality is that revolving my life around what someone says on twitter or what they post on insta isn't going to affect me other then missing out on the times happening right in front of me. It doesn't matter if I don't see my favourite instagrammer's post the second they share it or it shouldn't anyway.

Living your life online is not living your life. 

I'm aware I'm more than just a bit addicted to the digital world, even when I don't need to I go on there for fun... my blog, my YouTube, my interests are all online which I'm not sure how I feel about. The internet is an amazing thing but it's kinda scary how being so socially active online can make you so socially unsocial- Where's the fun gone in talking to people? Just straight out conversations, there's no need to document every aspect of your life online... which is why I want to take breaks starting from now on. Not from blogging or YouTube and I don't think even if I really wanted to, I could switch off from the internet for an entire week or two, physically with a uni course that is so demanding with staying in the loop that just wouldn't be possible. By breaks I mean that I want to give myself a few hours a few times a week where I don't check my phone, hey there was life before the digital age. 

I just think it'll be refreshing. Every year when we go on holiday in the Summer that is basically my two weeks internet detox just because the places we travel to don't always have the best wifi or it's an

extra charge that isn't a necessity. When I go away I like to just completely switch off, unwind, laugh at things that are happening right in front of me rather than the other side of the world. People of a certain generation always say you can't live your life via a computer or phone screen and as annoying as it is to admit it, it's true. 

It's unhealthy for one thing. Recently on night outs I've stopped snapchatting the entire night just because I want to enjoy it more- I want to live the moment, okay so I don't mind snapping the odd

selfie or group pics but I'm not going to video record the night to share my night out with people who aren't even out. Everyone is guilty of a bit of bragging, social media couldn't provide a more perfect platform for doing so. I'm guilty of it. But really no one shares the shit stuff, they only share the endless holidays or night out pics, the stuff they want people to judge them on, the stuff that makes them look fun. But you can be having fun and not sharing it online, just because it isn't shared doesn't mean it isn't happening. 

On the whole I would say I'm not going to stop sharing my life online completely, after all social media is a vital part of my life and the career I want to have so I need them as sad as that may make me sound. But I want to stop being so self absorbed in it.

Is the internet making you socially unsocial?

XOX

Images: Pinterest

Doing it

So Thursday I did a thing... roller skating, which if you know me well by now- you'll know that I have no sense of balance what so ever so it's probably not the best activity in the world for me. 

Okay no surprise I was definitely no expert in fact I was a pretty terrible beginner, safe to say that the whole skating thing is something I'm not born to do.  Which is surprising especially considering this was not my first time and I grew up with my skateboard. I guess all along  knew I wasn't going to be a pro, but the whole reason I went was because it was fun and sometimes laughing at yourself & how

 bad you are at something is needed. Not only that but it helped me to overcome this massive fear I have of falling over on the skates (yes I did fall over but only once), my legs were shaking, my hands were a clammy mess and my heart was close to a heart attack many times. But I'm bloody proud I did it- I'd even go as far as saying I'd go again.

This whole post isn't going to be about roller skating, don't worry if that's not your cup of tea then I won't bore you all with that. The point of this post... yes Gemma get on with it... is that sometimes the things you fear the most don't actually turn out to be that bad. Roller skating was something I've done

many times before but the last time I went back home I fell over and it just really freaked me, from that moment on I'd basically said no not again and here I am a few years later a changed women. I think no amount of times I go this fear will be still be there but I want to squish it into a little ball of nothing rather than letting it take over me, at the end of the day 2018 was going to be year of me

saying you know what screw it even if I look a fool then I'm going to try it anyway.

Life's too short to not give things a shot. 

I don't know what's happening to me lately, I've pushed myself further out of my comfort zone already this year then I did the entire of 2017. First with the whole summer camp thing, now this, here's to a new me of saying yes! I have my first formative presentation of this semester on Friday and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't more than just a little bit nervous, it does get that little bit easier every time I do one but at the same time it doesn't. I think the more pressure I put on myself the more I fear failing, which is stupid because even if I did completely mess it up at the end of the day who cares? It's better to screw up and learn for next time then to not give it everything and risk not

looking interested at all.

We had a weird seminar last Thursday which basically involved us standing up the entire hour & half doing various bits of presenting- so really it was my idea of hell. No joke I could have probably ran out that room the second our lecturer started explaining the task but I didn't. Not only that but even though it doesn't count for anything I did my best presentation too! We had to speak for 30 seconds about something that we really loved, so naturally I did mine about Willow (my dog), it just amazed me how well I spoke about her, it didn't even feel like I was in a presentation, it just felt raw and from the heart- I even managed a smile which from someone who at the word 'presentation' her stomach flips is quite something.  I don't know even though it sounded pointless it felt incredible- I want that feeling in every presentation I do! I think I may have just found my lucky charm- Willow... it also opened my eyes up to the fact that if you know a lot about your topic then it makes it so much easier to speak about which is true! Obviously I know Willow beyond well (I love her to pieces), after all she's more than just a dog to me so talking about her really isn't hard at all. But I get it now, presentation prep is the best possible thing you can do. I want to be that person who can happily and easily give a presentation well without reading completely from cards and giving no eye contact or stumbling over my words. I have improved so well but I'm still not at the level I want to be- slowly but surely I'm getting there. Someday I will be fear free in all presentations! That's my main goal.

Let me know what fears you want to overcome in the comments below. Because hey don't worry about them, we can overcome them all together!

XOX 

Images: Pinterest