So I'm sat here in the library between seminars just attempting to do yet more sketchbook work even though the only thing I really want & need to do right now is to sleep for about a week. Uni is hard! There's a tweet going round at the minute, you may have seen it already but it basically says 'don't let the snaps lie to you, at uni you actually have to do work'. And oh boy that's very true.
Truth is I'm on a full time course yet do I treat my course like it's full time? most definitely not. You see it's hard to get motivated when all you want to do with your day is eat, sleep and play Mario kart (who even am I?). Then if you're anything like me you get stressed about the fact you've got practically no work to show for the last 2 months of being at uni and you procrastinate even more leaving you feeling yet more stressed. Motivation is a hard thing to find and keep hold of. Yes time off away from your studies is important because otherwise by the end of the 3 or more years you'll probably have grown to hate the subject you once loved. But I do think it's important to be that proactive student who is constantly thinking about what they can do with this brief or where they can take that sketchbook, or reading that book even though it's not required. At the end of the day that's what is going to help you grow and improve as a person.
Basically this morning I was on the verge of a mental breakdown, I was stressed about what feels like a million and one deadlines I've got coming up, I was stressed about the fact that although I'm happy with my work it's not progressing as quickly as I'd like it too and I was stressing about the fact that nothing ever feels like it goes right for me. Not even joking I had to fight back the tears and the urge to just say you know what I quit, because lately that's all I've wanted to do.
Walking out of my seminar about an hour ago I felt like a different person, I felt I'd cleared my head (well almost), having gotten past the breakdown stage and it made me realise something. Sometimes in life it's not good to act like you give no fucks when indeed you actually do. Not acting like you give any fucks could make you miss out on the one thing you actually give a fuck about. Ironically our subculture trend runs along the idea of self expression and showing you don't given a fuck which is great and it's a really cool subculture to look into. Put into perspective though is it really the way forward? I give a fuck about a lot of things, some I happily share and talk about, others I don't because the fear of saying I actually give a fuck feels too much to handle sometimes. When you really care about something it's even harder when it doesn't go your own way so acting like you don't give a fuck almost protects you from the fall.
Anyway I feel like that was a very random post and I'm sorry if your sat reading this thinking what the fuck (lol the irony) am I talking about. If you can relate then I hoped it helped in some way.
Talk soon.
X
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