Today's post is a bit of a different one...
Normally I would say I'm a "happy, upbeat" blogger- I wouldn't say I ever post about problems & how life can all get a bit much. This is partly because that's not the way I want my blog to be viewed but at the same time it's because I feel nervous about exposing my true feelings online.
This past week made me realise that a lot can change in a year... if you've been reading my blog a while then you will know that one of the first posts I did was about losing my dog, Poppy, it's crazy to think it's been a year since that happened! For me that was the first post I did where I didn't sugar coat everything, there was no perfect flat lays or perfect lighting, it was just little, old me writing about how rubbish life can be. I'm not going to go too much into what happened with Poppy now because if you want to you can click on the link above & read it for yourself.
A year ago to put it nicely my life was a mess, both literally & metaphorically, I just honestly felt like it was one thing after another. It was an extremely low point in my life where all I ever seemed to do was cry & feel lonely. Even now writing that I'm thinking "Is it even okay to write that?", and that for me is not okay.
It breaks my heart to think that people can't ever be honest with people whether thats online or offline. You shouldn't feel ashamed to talk about something thats hurting you because you're worried about how society might view it.
A year ago I opened myself up online for the first time and in all honesty the response I got was amazing, people on social media & friends spoke to me in a way that they never did before. Honestly that wasn't the response I was expecting- I expected people to not 'care' because it wasn't their problem. I really don't know why I didn't carry on doing those sorts of posts- it's been a year and I would say at the most I've done one other 'deep' post.
I know its either a bit early or very late to start a New Years resolution but I want to start doing more posts like this one, okay so maybe not every week, maybe not even every month but I want to be able to do one if I want too.
In relation to Poppy my heart still breaks knowing that she's gone, I know for a fact that her death will always stay with me. Yes we have a new dog, Willow in our lives now but that doesn't mean we've just forgotten about Poppy. It makes me sad & happy to see traits of Poppy in Willow- I know that they would have been a right pair if they'd ever met.
What I've learnt in the year since Poppy's death has taught me to never take anything for granted & to always take risks, not all risks will work out but even if they don't that experience in some way will shape you as a person.
I saw a really interesting tweet the other day- "My entire 2016 has been me saying I'm incredibly scared but I'm going to do it anyway and honestly I'm damn proud of myself". I don't think anything else could sum up my year better than that tweet. In all honesty 2016 didn't plan out at all how I'd expected, it turned out better!
As a blogger I feel I've grown so much this year- I've learnt my "niche", I've shared my blog with so many people I know who I never thought I would -I'm not quite at the "lets share it on Facebook stage" yet but I'm getting there.
I hope you've enjoyed this post, I want to do these sorts of posts more regularly so let me know if this is something you want in the comments below.
I don't know if I'm blogging tomorrow yet, as really this post should have gone up yesterday.
Take Care
X
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