Woweeeeee what a day it has been. Today the 20th May 2019 or a few days ago as you're reading this is the day I submitted my dissertation and concluded 50% of my degree. Oh my days where has the past three years gone. It feels like only yesterday I was finishing my Art Foundation and now I've nearly completed an actual degree like okay someone pass me the pornstar martini already. Education is almost over and as of the 31st May I will be a free girl. Unbelievably scary but at the same time I can't help but get excited.
I have loved uni, never thought I would but honestly it has been the best three years of my life; the laughs, the friends and the memories. There has been ups and downs and a whole lot of stress along the way but it has been more worthwhile then I'll ever know. As a final year and soon to be graduate going into the real world, it all seems a very daunting place, everywhere I go I get the same question 'so whats your plans for after uni' and if I'm honest every time I answer something completely different. Travelling one minute, freelance the next, committing to an actual 9-5 job might be slightly more believable but who knows. The truth is I know I'm well and truly done with education, the second I get an email about a MA course I'm like nope no thank you into the trash you go. As much as I love uni I do feel ready to leave, it's not that I haven't enjoy almost every day here (because I have) but I just feel ready to move onto something new, discover a new place, do crazy creative things. Even as a child I was always crazily ambitious, whilst friends wanted to achieve more normal jobs never really leaving where they've grown up, I just knew that wasn't for me. I want to see the world, I want to work hard but also play hard and I want to achieve things I'm proud of, that's not me being cocky that's just me saying you only get one shot at life as cliche as that sounds but damn I'm gonna try my hardest to actually get somewhere.
My parents gave me everything I could have ever needed growing up, they never left me wanting anything, some might say that spoilt others might disagree, my parents taught me that if i want something so badly then I have to work for it because then you'll appreciate it more knowing you did that. But my parents have never been happy in their jobs, I wouldn't say they were ever completely unhappy but it didn't make them want to get out of bed in the morning lets put it like that. For me that has always been my motivation, I don't want to look back in 50 years time and think oh I wish I'd have tried that or travelled there or taken that opportunity because those kind of things don't come around twice. Sometimes you've just got to go with your gut. I was talking to someone I worked with once and he said he was just waiting around for the dream job, but that might never come around and you might end up staying somewhere that just puts the coin into your bank constantly waiting around- is that really what you want to achieve? Whilst the dream job probably is out there, chances of stumbling upon it are about as likely as winning the lottery- never say never but never can be a long time to wait. I guess what I'm saying is the dream job might not happen but you can make sure you get somewhere bloody close. Sometimes things that were never planned actually actually turn out to be a 1000 times better anyway.
For the past year I have done a topic about a 'spontaneous heart' and whilst I was figuring out ways to reach my consumer it also got me thinking. Maybe I should be more spontaneous, celebrate the opportunities. Share the things your proud of, celebrate what you've achieved, go to new places despite not knowing where on earth you might end up and just live in the moment. Do it for you. In a weird way I feel like my life has been on pause for the past three years, whilst I have learnt so much, met so many amazing crazy people (hopefully friends for life) and pushed myself beyond everything I'd ever known before. In someway I feel I haven't completely gone with the flow because it felt like I had a responsibility to do what I came for, get a degree. But you leave with so much more. Your twenties should be reckless, change what you don't like, work hard, travel but also remember to breathe and take it all in. You thirties and beyond should follow suit, there is no set age to do things before, so just go with it and see where you end up. So I guess the next time someone asks me about future plans I'm not going to be afraid to turn around and admit to not having plans, I want to enjoy the tomorrow but maybe work on today first. Maybe for girl who dreams of living in a city where 'dreams are made', saving for a plane ticket is the answer.
XXX
Bet you actually can't believe you're reading this, I mean I actually can't believe I'm writing this. Not even joking blogger had to check who I was when I opened it just now and if that's not a sign of where the hell have you been then I don't know what is. My last post was August and SO much has changed since then it's crazy! I started my final year of uni (sobs loudly), picked a dissertation topic (finally), started working on a Live Levi's brief (ultimate dream), laughed a lot, cried a lot (I'll get into it), it's well and truly been a whirlwind. For months I haven't felt like sitting down to write and now I finally have it's just made me realise what a rollercoaster journey the last 10 month have been. So if you're willing to give this girl who has severely missed blogging another shot then read on to discover where exactly I've been (be warned tissues are probably going to be needed).
Okay so where to start.
I guess lets go back to September. Oh my days that feels like a lifetime ago, honestly I started third year a different person to who I am now (also feel like I've aged about 10 years). September came around quicker than I could say dessert menu, suddenly it was time to pick a dissertation topic that 3 months earlier I had no idea about. Somehow this completely single probably most un-destined girl to be in a relationship girl you know did her dissertation on dating and wowwwwww I have loved every second of it. I may not be experienced in physical dating but I've had my fair share of online dating dead ends believe me. And I guess for a girl who grew up dreaming of a Disney fantasy the idea that love and romance does actually still exist kinda had me hooked so I just ran with it and my litle baby for the last year, Squeeze was born.
October brought new job opportunities that my 15 year old self would have fainted with shock over. Yes a became a Topshop girl or basically somewhere close. I was employed by the fashion company Daisy Street to supervise the stocking of their collection within my local Topshop whilst working hours on the Topshop floor as well. It was a bittersweet opportunity, for years I wanted to be a Topshop girl and when it happened it made me wonder why. It also made this girl realise she wanted a career rather than just a job, not that there's anything wrong with working in a shop it just made me realise I needed something more than that. Truth was I found the whole thing boring, I was counting the seconds of every shift and it just wasn't what I thought it would be. I will be forever grateful for the opportunity from both Daisy Street and Topshop because it taught me two very important things. One not everything you dreamed of works out the way you wanted and two everything happens for a reason. For me I think I needed this job to understand how badly I want to work in fashion but to understand life is what you make it, if you want something so bad then it's only you who can change the situation you are in.
We'll skip a few months
January omg wow this was the month where everything came together but also everything fell apart, I have truly never experienced such a low in my life as I did in January. January 9th 2019 was one of the worst days of my life, I woke up in such severe pain that lead to an emergency hospital admission and a very long, tearful waiting game. I had to have an emergency operation to remove something that had grown surprisingly big causing me to spend a week in hospital and left me feeling utterly broken. It caused me to cancel my NYC trip, miss weeks of university and basically turned me into someone who would cry on the daily. Honestly even writing this now makes me feel emotional because exactly 5 months ago to the day I was in one of the lowest points of my life and today I have been given the all clear. I know people suffer with worst and I can't even believe how strong those people are because they are honestly such a huge inspiration. I was tested beyond everything I'd possibly known, got tested for some very scary things that I never expect to be tested for at the age of 21 and honestly it gave me the biggest reality check of my life. I am unbelievably grateful to all my family and friends who supported me through it all- honestly that's what got me through it. But I am also proud of myself because through all of that I kept going, there were moments when I really didn't think I could but it wasn't until someone said to me 'that you only get the things in life that you are able to deal with' and that really stuck with me. Only 5 weeks after it happened I was presenting to Levis despite my parents and doctors telling me to take it easy. But I learnt a lot about myself, I learnt I was so much stronger than I ever knew, and my motivations got so much clearer. I was more determined to prove everyone wrong, I wasn't going to fall behind at uni because deep down doing coursework kept my sanity. I still get sad but it made me realise to not take things for granted as cliche as that sounds because I generally never thought I'd have been waking up one morning in the worst pain of my life completely out of the blue. But I did. It happened so appreciate the today.
Moving on
February saw my work feature on Graduate Fashion Week's instagram page and I will never forget the smile that gave me. It came at one of my lowest times and reminded me that hard work does pay off so keep going because you've got this.
April brought me confidence. I presented in a second year lecture- who, what even am I? Doing this made me not even recognise myself, in first year this would have been my worst nightmare yet third year me did that like what. Confidence also came in the form of a job interview in a dream city that made life after university feel not far away at all.
May 7th this girl finished her dissertation and sent it to the printers. It was both a massive relief and kinda surreal to know that something I've loved, stressed, hated and cried over for months is nearly over. It also means my degree is coming to a close, I don't even know where the last 3 years have gone like how am I in my final term of final year. But here I am. Still laughing, somewhat more tired, more emotional and hopefully more wiser I got here 3 years later. It's not over yet I still have sketchbooks to complete, a printed dissertation to collect and hand in plus a very scary but exciting brief for Levi's to finish and present. It's gonna be a hectic fews weeks indeed.
But if the last 10 months have taught me anything it's that there will be bumps in the road and nothing is plain sailing but only the things worth doing are some of the hardest, most emotional to achieve. The celebrations will be needed at the end trust me. So I guess this is me and the last 10 months in brief- it's been one hell of a journey. If you'd have told me this time last year that all of this crazy stuff would happen then I probably would never have believed you. So stick around because this girl & her slightly forgotten but still loved blog is back in town and you're not going to want to miss a thing.
xxx
