i guess I'll take it

oh heyyyy how y'all doing? 

(If you read that in a tiktok voice then you knowwww)

But seriously I hope everyone is okay. Well I am not going to lie I've been struggling with lockdown recently, the days feel never ending and the hours get harder to fill. The tensions in my household are rising and the fallout's have definitely begun, I love my parents but if corona has taught me anything it's that I can't hack living at home much longer.
(please tell me I'm not the only one who feels like this) 

Despite that I have kinda surprised myself in lockdown, I've actually stuck to working out 5/6 days a week, I'm eating fairly healthy although the Easter chocolate is there as a support mechanism and I have actually worked on the tasks that I've been putting off for ages. Amazingly I finally think I'm getting the hang of illustrator and weirdly my biggest inspiration for artwork has been horoscopes, if I'm honest I never really believed in all that 'it's written in your stars' rubbish but since downloading the app Co-Star I've actually become a bit of a believer (and a still a true Bieber fan). Okay so I take it all with a pinch of salt but 8 times out of 10 it's relatable- like take today's rundown for instance 'feelings aren't facts' , I'm not gonna go into full details but the past few days have been a bit shitty, I seem to argue more than ever with my parents and I hate it. I can just feel the anger bubbling up inside of me and I'm really struggling to bite my tongue. The worst thing is that it's over such petty stuff, stuff that in a normal world I wouldn't even think twice about, so 'feeling aren't facts' very much relates to me at the mo. I don't know why I'm reading so much into my stars lately maybe I'm hoping it'll lead to a miracle lol but it's given me some clear headspace and some food for thought so I guess I'll take that. 

So what else have I been doing? Well of course I've been watching a lot more than usual, to be honest I'm not really a tv person like don't get me wrong there are days where I watch a lot but I like being a  proactive person and binge watching Netflix just doesn't make me feel good. That being said I have watch all of Outer Banks which I totally recommend kinda like Stranger Things minus the sci-fi mixed with surfer vibes. For some reason it gives me serious Australian vibes but it's actually set in America and I am already waiting on season 2. Last night I started watching Normal People on BBC3, originally based on a book, it's just been adapted into a series and I am really enjoying it. I still want to read the book but I couldn't resist starting the series, if you like the film One Day or Love Rosie I have a feeling you might like this. I've kinda been dipping in & out of Too Hot to Handle as well which is providing the drama in my Love Island absence. Music wise I'm still exploring new stuff this week Jeremy Zucker and Madison Beer are top of my playlist, closely followed by Lauv damn I just can't get enough of his voice. 

Workout wise ummm okay who even am I because I've been sticking to working out most days. Personally I think it's giving me a routine and almost a purpose to get out of bed in the mornings, it just makes me feel energised & ready to go (to the living room lol). I've been doing a lot of the Heather Robertson ones on YouTube, they're really good like they kill but that's what I want and I've definitely got my love for working out back. I've told myself that if I stick to working out in lockdown then whenever life gets more normal again I'll buy a gym membership so that's my motivation lol. Oh that and the fact it means I can eat more chocolate without feeling guilty- we love a balanced queen.

Of course I had to mention TikTok I mean I probably spend a good 2 hours a days on it, time just flies by on there. I have been putting my time to good use though- I have learnt a dance (granted one of the easiest but hey that's fineeee) and failed at learning many others, even tried out a few of the hacks, reworked my Nike AF1's and tested out the mirror picture shoot- SO COOL. I still want to try tie dye and potentially hair dyeing but I mean watch this space. 

That's about all really, mon-fri I'm trying to get into the routine of working out first thing, then doing work related bits for most of the day eg. training tasks, illustrator, illustrations, inspiration building on Pinterest that kinda stuff- it just keeps me in a work frame of mind I guess. Weekends are more relaxed, I still workout but the days are more chilled and evenings are catch ups with friends. I guess just keeping yourself busy is the key to this period. 

go on try out something new

xxx

Instas: 

Design account- @oh_scrambles_

Fashion account- @_lippietalk

'it's 2020 Bish'

Okay ummm how is it 2020 already [a massive Happy New Year to all], I can literally remember 2010 like it was yesterday and now it's last decade. Oh wow time has flown by!

As per usual I thought I'd share my New Year resolutions with you all, my mindset fo the year/decade ahead, and the goals I want to set myself. So let's begin. 

Eat Clean. 

Every year without fail I set myself some form of 'lose weight goal' and pretty much it fails by end of January. 2019 my weight changed a lot, I lost pretty much a stone and a half, although I feel I'll never be happy in the weight I am, I am determined to make healthier food choices where I can this year. A lot of my weight loss was due to clean, protein based meals- a lot of vegetables, so I can noticeably see the difference when I eat clean!! That being said I love my chocolate too much so treats will still be enjoyed nevertheless so don't worry!

Make Sensible Fashion Choices.

I love clothes, I love shopping, I love trends and how style evolves, but I have realised that I need to make myself more picky when it comes to what I buy. If I can't see myself wearing it more than 10 times then I'm not buying it. Having studied fashion and working in a fashion retailer I would say I'm more aware of trends than most but I need to be careful which trends I buy into, some are for a few weeks whereas some can last years. Think ahead!



Put Time into What Makes You Feel Good.
Self care had a bit of a moment last year, in my final year of my degree I think I appreciated the 'downtime' I set aside for myself. It's okay to want to achieve big things but you need to give yourself moments to breathe. A simple nail appointment, face mask, tanning session can work wonders. If you feel good then confidence and energy comes from within.



Invest in Creative Passions that Lead to Opportunities.
Yes I am still an unemployed graduate, well I'm employed but I'm not in my grad job as of yet. 2020 this IS going to change. I can't deny it's painful getting rejection after rejection from applications, I know it's dented my confidence because now when I apply to companies I almost expect to get a no. This year [well decade] I want to invest more time & energy into my creative passions, like this blog, my YouTube, my graphic design account. I enjoy them all, it's important to continue developing my creative abilities because that's my passion and it will be my career but I just need to join the dots in-between in the meantime.

Take the Positives More.
Growing up I was always laughing and smiling, entering teenage years I guess this changed, life felt tough and focusing on the positives didn't feel like it'd solve anything. This year I'm changing my mantra, positive attitude attracts positive things, as hard as it is, I'm going to try my hardest to not to dwell on the bad stuff and focus on the good. Hopefully it pays off.

Push Myself Outside my Comfort Zone.
Trust my instincts but don't don't let them stop myself from growth, nothing comes from staying inside your comfort zone. Embrace new things and make the most of it. 2019 I definitely did things I NEVER thought I could & it paid off, I'm not quite where I want to be just yet but I can feel myself getting closer to that point.



Network.
Within any industry it helps to know people but in fashion oh boi you really need to know people. I want to use who I already know to help grow my network, collaborating more with others and learning from what other people know. 

Stop Putting Things Off.
Okay so I could always do them tomorrow but why not do it today? Unless I have an actual reason, do things today instead of tomorrow. 



Keep Myself Busy.
If the past 6 months have taught me anything it's that I need to keep myself busy, I need to have plans even if all it involves is depop organising or dog walking or wardrobe clear outs. I need to wake up knowing something that I have to do in the day ahead otherwise I just feel nothing, it's weird to explain it just helps me feel normal. I don't miss having so many stressful uni deadlines but I miss constantly having things to do.

Visit Somewhere New Once Every Month.
This can be a new cafe, city or country. I always want to travel more but realistically on my budget it's not always 'do able' but I want to visit new cities in the UK this year and I am desperate to go to America again. So lets hope I stick to this one!

Andddddd that's pretty much it. 
2020 is the year I'm going to focus on achieving my own personal goals both physically, mentally & within my career. 2019 was a incredible year after all this girl achieved her First Class Honours from university, yet equally there were so many points in both the beginning & later months of 2019 where I felt so lost. I think I focused so much on what grade I wanted to achieve that when I achieved it and finished my degree was like wow now what? I definitely discovered strength & weaknesses last year, and to make sure I'm keeping myself mentally healthy I need to keep a schedule & make time for myself. 2019 was by far not an easy ride, this time last year I was sat in a hospital bed with so many uncertainties ahead. I am proud of what I achieved last year and it for sure made me realise goals I want to achieve both short and long term. I no doubt 2020 will not be easy but it's here, there's no escaping so we've just got to make the best of it. 

xxx

I just can't figure me out

For the first September in 17 years I am not going back into education and I really don't know how I feel about it. Like wowwwwww 17 years was a long time and now I have a lot of free time on my hands & no bloody idea of what to do with it all.

Obviously the long waiting game of job hunting has begun, after my internship in August I decided to go back to the drawing board and try to decide what I really what to achieve. Deciding this was a lot nicer by the pool in Morocco then actually putting it into action, so my parents have given me a deadline, find a 'proper' job by the end of October or it's back to Odeon until something pops up. Okay so I guessing what you're all thinking the end of October is a long time away and truth is it is, we haven't even started the month yet. But it's kinda hard to find a job when I just feel a bit stuck. The only way I can describe how I'm feeling is like being tank that's slowly filling with water and whilst there's a simple solution to open the lid I just can't figure it out. I just can't figure me out. 

As cliche, naive and whatever else you want to call it, I know I want to achieve something amazing but I feel like a failure because I'm not achieving that amazing thing right here & now. I think more people need to talk about life after uni because finishing and graduating university is an amazing thing, but no-one really talks about how your meant to feel after, I'm talking about after all the hype has died down and suddenly the people you graduated with are split between having found their 'it' that first proper job and just being stuck in the in-between. I loved my course & my uni but no one tells you how you can quite literally apply to hundreds of jobs and not get one offer even with the degree grade, or how even landing an interview is a mission on it's own and of course how to deal with the rejection of going through all that and ending up back at square 1 again. Adulting is hard and it can be proper deflating, at uni I felt so sure of everything and now I don't feel sure of anything. I want to feel inspired again but I just don't know how to get there. 

I've started forcing myself to physically be creative but like any creative knows forcing yourself is not going to make you create anything you really like or want to share with the world. I just want to feel like me again. So if you have any advice I'm all ears to listen. I need to find my mojo again & rediscover that thing that makes me jump out of bed in the morning.

XXX

"Well that is the job of an intern?!"

The fashion world can be massively competitive, bitchy and bloody tough to crack, but no matter what the horror stories I've heard in the past, I was and still am massively determined to give it bloody everything I have. It took years to figure out my niche and a degree to hold it all in place, for me finding out I had a month's long internship with a brand I've not only followed for years but who I personally love aesthetic wise- I thought that everything was falling into place.

With less than a week left, and September dawning I kinda thought you know what I'll share my experience. An experience it was indeed.

For me I live in what feels like the middle of nowhere, okay so maybe technically it's not quite as remote as I make out but fashion wise, it might as well be a tiny field on a remote island, I always knew relocating would be a necessity as much as a desire. Manchester or London (or NYC one day) realistically they're the places I'll have to go. For this specific internship London came calling, an actual dream come true; my room is bliss, I love the bright buzz of the city and having everything I thought I could possibly ever need a few tube stops away, it really did feel perfect! Whilst the daily tube commute isn't the most luxurious, deep down I didn't mind it because I thought this was it, my very first crack into industry barely two weeks after graduation.

Looking back at the past 3 going on 4 weeks is a weird mix of emotions, part of me feels proud- living in London knowing very few people is daunting for anyone and it's something I never truly thought I'd do especially not at the age of 22. And the other part of me feels like a very, very tiny fish in a very big pond. I knew industry was always going to be a big step from university, everyone within the industry relies on tasks being completed promptly within an extremely, fast paced environment- it's tough. Mentally damn it was tough. Whilst I am incredibly grateful for the experience I honestly don't think I've ever felt as inadequate as I have recently. It had me questioning everything; did I do the right degree, will I ever make it in this cut throat industry and most importantly I questioned my own creative abilities. I felt like nothing and no one surrounded by people who were somebody's going places. I am not slating the company I interned for or any of the people I've met along the way but it was an eye opening experience, more than I ever expected it to be. I know the phrase everyone has to start somewhere but I just didn't expect this.

Obviously the job role intern comes with crappy tasks making you question why you're even there in the first place, with only my tube expenses paid for, I am not going to lie financially interning is tough alone. Working for free with a degree qualification is quite demoralising, I am a strong believer that over 20 years old you should be paid at least the minimum wage for any internship, it's free labour and quite frankly it's not fair. Fair enough from a business perspective I get hiring interns and paying them could be risky but realistically how do companies expect people to support themselves and gain highly requested industry experience without a wage? I know I knew all of this when I accepted the internship, I choose & kinda agreed to the not being paid contract but when you're doing the same long hours and gruelling tasks it kinda makes you & your work feel worthless.

I don't hate my internship, but I really don't love it like I imagined I would. I still like the company, the people were friendly most of the time with a few exceptions, but besides the feeling of being inadequate, I just found it boring. Like I even feel bad typing that right now- should I even say that? But it's true. Whilst I love Pinterest, personally I don't want to be sat scrolling more 7 hours or more a day on it, creating styling boards that don't even really get consider- it just felt like I was wasting my time for my creative eye to not even be given a chance. Speaking of time, there just wasn't enough to fill my day, I am one of those people who likes to be busy and whilst I did have a few days where I didn't really stop especially when it came to organising shoot products. Generally it felt like I was watching the clock- counting down the hours till I could leave but surely thats not right I'm in the industry I want my career in I shouldn't be clock watching or counting the days till the weekend.

I was hired as a photography intern, and whilst I knew there was going to be parts that were going to be dull, I just didn't expect the entire 3 weeks to feel like that. Shoot days granted they go quicker, but I couldn't help but feel like a spare part, surrounded by creative people doing creative things and what was I doing, the boring typical tea/coffee duties, hoovering, steaming and organising lunch. I mean that's not what I signed up for. Fair enough I know you have to start from the bottom but it felt pointless and underwhelming, my favourite one liner from my experience has been "well that is the job of an intern" but why should it be. Yes this was a learning experience, and yes that is the purpose of interning and yes I have realised I want the exact opposite to what I just interned in. I am creative, I want to be creative, physically making creative things. I want to be the one designing cool graphics or taking cool shots on shoot, creating something that's mine not something that I have to give credit to someone else for. I've met a lot of self-righteous people lately who seem to think because I didn't go to a London uni or because I did a more general fashion covered degree that I'm less of a creative, my creative opinion didn't count for anything and I hated that.

Yes I am grateful for the experience, but I will be finishing this coming Thursday with the knowledge that I definitely don't want to intern again in what I just have done. I will be looking for more hands on creative experiences from now on so I guess it's taught me something. I don't think interning will get any easier, networking is key but I wasn't myself here, I dreaded my alarm going off in the morning not because of the 6am start but the purpose didn't make it worthwhile, I felt like I faded into the background, whilst I wanted the contacts I didn't feel worthy enough to have them. I was paranoid that my work wasn't good enough and honestly their is nothing more kick in the teeth than feeling undervalued.

I am aware that I need more industry experience, and whilst this experience has made me feel about 10cm tall I will be putting myself out there to more creative experiences, maybe I'll just put the empathsis more on being the creative next time. 

XXX

Well it's been one hell of a journey

Bet you actually can't believe you're reading this, I mean I actually can't believe I'm writing this. Not even joking blogger had to check who I was when I opened it just now and if that's not a sign of where the hell have you been then I don't know what is. My last post was August and SO much has changed since then it's crazy! I started my final year of uni (sobs loudly), picked a dissertation topic (finally), started working on a Live Levi's brief (ultimate dream), laughed a lot, cried a lot (I'll get into it), it's well and truly been a whirlwind. For months I haven't felt like sitting down to write and now I finally have it's just made me realise what a rollercoaster journey the last 10 month have been. So if you're willing to give this girl who has severely missed blogging another shot then read on to discover where exactly I've been (be warned tissues are probably going to be needed).

Okay so where to start. 

I guess lets go back to September. Oh my days that feels like a lifetime ago, honestly I started third year a different person to who I am now (also feel like I've aged about 10 years). September came around quicker than I could say dessert menu, suddenly it was time to pick a dissertation topic that 3 months earlier I had no idea about. Somehow this completely single probably most un-destined girl to be in a relationship girl you know did her dissertation on dating and wowwwwww I have loved every second of it. I may not be experienced in physical dating but I've had my fair share of online dating dead ends believe me. And I guess for a girl who grew up dreaming of a Disney fantasy the idea that love and romance does actually still exist kinda had me hooked so I just ran with it and my litle baby for the last year, Squeeze was born. 

October brought new job opportunities that my 15 year old self would have fainted with shock over. Yes a became a Topshop girl or basically somewhere close. I was employed by the fashion company Daisy Street to supervise the stocking of their collection within my local Topshop whilst working hours on the Topshop floor as well. It was a bittersweet opportunity, for years I wanted to be a Topshop girl and when it happened it made me wonder why. It also made this girl realise she wanted a career rather than just a job, not that there's anything wrong with working in a shop it just made me realise I needed something more than that. Truth was I found the whole thing boring, I was counting the seconds of every shift and it just wasn't what I thought it would be. I will be forever grateful for the opportunity from both Daisy Street and Topshop because it taught me two very important things. One not everything you dreamed of works out the way you wanted and two everything happens for a reason. For me I think I needed this job to understand how badly I want to work in fashion but to understand life is what you make it, if you want something so bad then it's only you who can change the situation you are in. 

We'll skip a few months

January omg wow this was the month where everything came together but also everything fell apart, I have truly never experienced such a low in my life as I did in January. January 9th 2019 was one of the worst days of my life, I woke up in such severe pain that lead to an emergency hospital admission and a very long, tearful waiting game. I had to have an emergency operation to remove something that had grown surprisingly big causing me to spend a week in hospital and left me feeling utterly broken. It caused me to cancel my NYC trip, miss weeks of university and basically turned me into someone who would cry on the daily. Honestly even writing this now makes me feel emotional because exactly 5 months ago to the day I was in one of the lowest points of my life and today I have been given the all clear. I know people suffer with worst and I can't even believe how strong those people are because they are honestly such a huge inspiration. I was tested beyond everything I'd possibly known, got tested for some very scary things that I never expect to be tested for at the age of 21 and honestly it gave me the biggest reality check of my life. I am unbelievably grateful to all my family and friends who supported me through it all- honestly that's what got me through it. But I am also proud of myself because through all of that I kept going, there were moments when I really didn't think I could but it wasn't until someone said to me 'that you only get the things in life that you are able to deal with' and that really stuck with me. Only 5 weeks after it happened I was presenting to Levis despite my parents and doctors telling me to take it easy. But I learnt a lot about myself, I learnt I was so much stronger than I ever knew, and my motivations got so much clearer. I was more determined to prove everyone wrong, I wasn't going to fall behind at uni because deep down doing coursework kept my sanity. I still get sad but it made me realise to not take things for granted as cliche as that sounds because I generally never thought I'd have been waking up one morning in the worst pain of my life completely out of the blue. But I did. It happened so appreciate the today. 

Moving on

February saw my work feature on Graduate Fashion Week's instagram page and I will never forget the smile that gave me. It came at one of my lowest times and reminded me that hard work does pay off so keep going because you've got this. 

April brought me confidence. I presented in a second year lecture- who, what even am I?  Doing this made me not even recognise myself, in first year this would have been my worst nightmare yet third year me did that like what. Confidence also came in the form of a job interview in a dream city that made life after university feel not far away at all. 

May 7th this girl finished her dissertation and sent it to the printers. It was both a massive relief and kinda surreal to know that something I've loved, stressed, hated and cried over for months is nearly over. It also means my degree is coming to a close, I don't even know where the last 3 years have gone like how am I in my final term of final year. But here I am. Still laughing, somewhat more tired, more emotional and hopefully more wiser I got here 3 years later. It's not over yet I still have sketchbooks to complete, a printed dissertation to collect and hand in plus a very scary but exciting brief for Levi's to finish and present. It's gonna be a hectic fews weeks indeed.

But if the last 10 months have taught me anything it's that there will be bumps in the road and nothing is plain sailing but only the things worth doing are some of the hardest, most emotional to achieve. The celebrations will be needed at the end trust me. So I guess this is me and the last 10 months in brief- it's been one hell of a journey. If you'd have told me this time last year that all of this crazy stuff would happen then I probably would never have believed you. So stick around because this girl & her slightly forgotten but still loved blog is back in town and you're not going to want to miss a thing. 

xxx

LETS TALK SS18 STYLE GOALS

Sorry I haven't been as regular on here as I said I would be, it's been a busy last week, what with my Dad's birthday, interviews for potential summer work & internship roles, I didn't have the spare time to sit down and write. The only thing that remains consistent in my life at the minute is Love Island, and I'm living for Tuesday's night episode- the non stop drama had me glued to my TV screen! 

YouTube wise it's going well, I'm loving it and I'm actually really enjoying being more chatty on my videos, my channel is never gonna be as exciting as other channels out there but I'm really proud of it. I'm producing content that I'm loving creating even if my laptop does keep telling me it has a lack of storage because of all the filming clips- it's driving me crazy! 
Over the next few weeks I'm hoping to do a Q&A video & a lookbook which is exciting! My last vid is about my uni experience so far, surprisingly I loved talking all about it, don't think I've ever felt so honest in a video before, so I'll probably do some more uni related videos too.
I'll leave it below if you want to check it out: 

Today I thought I'd chat about summer style, in particular the looks I'm loving right now and what I'm hoping to somehow pull off this year. so lets get cracking...

Before we begin I just thought I'd talk about our personal style icons.

Everyone has someone that they look to for style inspo whether that's a celebrity or a friend, I'm always bouncing new style ideas around in my mind picked up from people all around me. Instagram & Pinterest are great tools to see what works as well. Personally a style icon of mine is Ella Eyre, not only have I long time been obsessed with her music but I adore her style. Honestly everything she wears I wish would somehow magic itself into my wardrobe! I feel Ella knows who she is when it comes to her style, it's a bit quirky, on trend but in an unconventional way and she likes to push boundaries. I would say that sums up what I know of her & her music. Another person I love to follow is Ann-Marie, another girl with great style in my eyes!

Summer this year I want to wear the clothes I love! Coming home from uni for summer break, I've had a massive clear out of all the rubbish that I no longer like to wear or is too big for me now- those gym days are finally paying off!

So let's see what looks I'm going for this summer break, shall we?

STYLE LOOK 1: T-SHRT DRESSES

I've loved t-shirt dresses for a LONG time, they're just so casual, so cool and so effortless. You can literally just throw one on and you're good to go! Over the last year or so I've collected a few really cool ones which I'm hoping to rock with my vans this summer. I'm hoping to local checkout vintage stores for a bit more unusual ones too! Btw mens t-shirts make the perfect dress. 

If you haven't already guessed by now my style is a bit quirky, I hate the ordinary, don't get me wrong it looks great on others but I like pushing boundaries with my style. Studying fashion I'm very aware of trends but I wouldn't really say I follow them, I wear things because I love them not because they're 'in' right now. I'm definitely not afraid to stand out when it comes to fashion. 

STYLE LOOK 2: FISHNET GRUNGE

Now hear me out before you judge here please.

I'm a fan of the grunge trend just because it's cool and quite funky. Don't get me wrong I love colour but I am a lover of black also. I think this will be more my style towards the end of summer because those fishnet suntan lines are not the one for me haha. I think I'll try making it a bit less dark which will be my take on the trend.

STYLE LOOK 3: PLAYFUL CROPS

Crop tees and sweatshirts are a bit of me! Especially cropped sweaters, because the British summer is never that reliable so a jumper will keep you covered when the weather unexpectedly changes. Plus when you're like me and you don't like showing off your entire body it keeps you a bit more covered when wearing shorts or skirts. I think crop tees are really fun and something that can be super cheap and playful, you could even DIY your own designs onto your old tees to give them a new refresh. 

STYLE LOOK 4: WHO WEARS THE TROUSERS?

I'm a sucker for bold, 'in your face' trousers. Personally I feel more comfortable in trousers than skirts/shorts just because you can show off your figure in the right pair but it's nothing too revealing if you get me. They just make me feel good, like I can conquer anything. Recently I've really gone off jeans completely, nowadays if I have to wear jeans they tend to be mom style- I'm actually desperate for a black pair. Flares, wide leg, joggers, culotte trousers are SO much more comfortable- why would I opt for jeans when I can be living life in style AND comfort with a pair of joggers?

I need to know where these checkerboard trousers below are from!!!!

I AM OBSESSED!

They are so freaking cool.

STYLE LOOK 5: SOCKS FOR SORE EYES?

Bit of a weird one but I'm lover of socks all year round. Maybe it's that Stance uni project rubbing off on me but lately I've really started wanting to make how I wear my socks that bit more interesting and quirky. I am loving the socks and trainers trend going around at the minute, not everyone's a fan I know but I like seeing socks beyond the top of the shoe. Don't hate on me but I am sucker for the socks and sliders trend as well!

STYLE LOOK 6: BOLDER THE SWIMSUIT THE....

My day to day clothes are far from ordinary so why would you ever think my swimsuits wouldn't be? Previous years I've tended to wear the same swimsuits year after year, but coming home for this summer break I was a little shocked to find all my swimwear too big for me. So I've been gradually investing in 3 really good but quirky, swimsuits which should last a few years to come (especially if travelling is potentially on the cards after uni). So far I've got 2, one from Zara and the other from Warehouse, I've got my sights on one from ASOS but it's currently still out of stock unfortunately for me but I'm hopeful. So please can we all pray I get the swimsuit of my dreams!

Hope you all enjoyed this post, I'm obsessed with these looks. I'd love to hear what looks you're loving right now and into the summer months ahead! At some point I'm hoping to do a styling/ lookbook video on my YouTube channel so subscribe to make sure you don't miss that. 

Love you all lots & enjoy this fabulous summer weather we've got atm- ahhhh it's bliss.

xox

Images: Pinterest & Instagram 

Video: LippieTalk

selfish or what?

Ahhhh summer time really is the best time. 

Honestly I've felt nothing but bliss since I handed in my work a few weeks back, it just feels like a weight has been completely lifted off my shoulders. It's just so nice to be able to waste time and not feel guilty for it, but at the same time be able to use my time to focus on the things I've really neglected the last 6 months. 

Okay so I would be lying if I said the worry of what grade I'll get is completely out of my mind but I'm try to not think about it, after all it's out of my hands now. 

I don't think I've ever had a summer break where I've said you know what I'm going to be completely selfish this year until now that is. Second year was incredible, the friends I made, the experiences I had, the motivation I gained- I owe second year a lot. But now it's time for me. Time to be completely, utterly, entirely selfish. To use my time to work on things that I'm really passionate about. Controversial I know but I feel like it's about time I was due a break to do the things I want to do. Third year is a good 4 months away so I want to do my research, get into the projects I want to do alongside third year and to use my time to go to the events I want to go to, work with the brands I want to collaborate with. I'm excited!

I finally got round to filming another YouTube video today and it felt so damn good. I was a little nervous incase I'd lost my love for it but safe to say I definitely haven't. It's just so nice to be able to do work for fun instead of because I have to, summer breaks should be for that. The job hunt is somewhat never ending and the internship front well that may be about to change but I don't want to get my hopes up just yet and jinxs things. 

But I'm keeping my fingers crossed & my mouth zipped. 

Pinterest.

The three main areas I really want to work on this summer are my brand Instagram, YouTube and this little blog. All three are passions I love to pieces, but all 3 are never going to get anywhere if I'm not prepared to put the work in. 'Do your future self a favour, work hard now'. I'm not saying they're going to go anywhere but I want to give them a shot and see where the opportunities take me. Who knows but I'm excited by the unknown. 

Kicking off with my instagram. Friends will know I have two accounts, a personal one that I'm soon to make private and my creative one which will stay public. Don't get me wrong I love both, but the creative one is the platform I really want to work on. I want to feature a lot more outfit posts, getting creative with the way I do them, I want to give sneak peaks of my YouTube and I want it to be the main platform associated with my brand 'LippieTalk'- I'm emotionally invested. Financially creating a good feed costs nothing, all I need is the 'get up and do it' attitude and my mum as photographer (she's actually pretty good!). People may say I'm silly to invest so much time into social media but when it's the line of work I want to go down I personally feel it's time well spent. 

 Other than working on those three areas, I want to start saving, I mean seriously start saving. This time next year after I hopefully graduate I want to go travelling for 6 months to a year, it's something I've wanted to do for as long as I can remember but it's an expensive goal. Originally my plan was to travel America but slowly Australia & New Zealand are looking more appealing. Working on my brand and working out on my fitness not only fill my free time but they are hobbies that cost next to nothing but will be rewarding if I somehow make them successful. 

Pinterest.

I love being at home but sometimes it can get a little dull & I can get a bit lost at what to do with myself so hopefully these things will occupy my time. Yes to some people my summer plans may sound like their version of hell but to me I can't help but get excited and maybe a little ahead of myself but where's the harm in that hey?

See you tomorrow on my YouTube because there's a new video coming and Friday back here.

XOX

Pictures: Own unless stated otherwise.

Clearly clueless

It has been a while since I last posted... life got hectic very quickly, suddenly I was drowning in presentation after presentation, I had a truck load of sketchbook work that needed attention and I really had no motivation to sit down & write. 

I've always said this blog has never been something I wanted to become a chore to do, writing to me feels like nothing else, it's like when I put my thoughts on the page everything honestly becomes clearer than it ever could in my head. With this blog fast approaching that what feels unreal 50K mark, I didn't want my content to not mean anything any more. I started this because I wanted to, because to me having this space made that huge dream of writing for The NY Times or magazines such as i-D or Dazed feel that bit more achievable. So when I suddenly felt uninspired by everything happening in my life the last thing I wanted to do was sit down and type. But I'm back. Still with that truck load of work trailing slowly behind me but feeling somewhat more 'me' and motivated for this place again. I'm going to say this now... I probably won't be back consistently but I think writing my thoughts on here might just save me in the stressful deadline months to come. 

I would say I'm 'Clearly Clueless' in a LOT of things, being 20 definitely doesn't make you not make mistakes believe me! Life let's face it needs a clueless reaction sometimes, after all we're only human, cheesy I know but it doesn't matter if you make mistakes what matters is how you overcome them. I am that friend who gets asked a lot for advice, obviously I give my opinion but I can't help but think 'I'm clueless in that why ask me?'. But today it dawned on me that just because you're clueless in something doesn't mean you don't have the right to say what you think, sometimes you need that clueless point of view for everything to properly make sense. 

Right before this Easter break we were given our scariest brief yet, perhaps one I've never been more clueless about... a report on 2 possible final year dissertation ideas and I'm internally screaming not going to lie. I don't feel ready for something that seems so serious, I'm clueless in what I want to do... suddenly that cap and gown day feels scarily close. Whilst to graduate and to hopefully work successfully in the magazine field is still my dream, it's frightening to think how fast it's approaching. I feel like I just want to press pause on the whole uni experience, I love the uni bubble more than I ever thought I possibly could, it really is like having the best of both worlds between home & uni. Yes there are times where I have to live off pesto pasta because thats about all I can afford and although I love my course it generally makes me question my sanity when I end up spending hours perfecting a sketchbook page or an indesign layout. But I wouldn't change a thing. Not the people, not the course, not the partying, not any of it, well maybe the debt but thats about all. Uni for me is that one place where I don't feel clueless, it feels like I have my little indecisive life somewhat slightly organised in a dysfunctional way. It makes me feel happy. 

So maybe I'm not as clueless as I first thought, maybe I shouldn't panic. Yes third term starts in 2 weeks and I know it'll be hella stressful... don't even get me started on third year. But at the end of it all I shouldn't be clueless, I've done the studying, I've attended almost all the lectures (it wasn't me it was the vodka lemonade) I am getting there, I know I am. I know what I want to achieve so guess you could argue I'm really not that clueless at all. Maybe a little unsure but right now it feels like the most clueless thing about me is my dress sense (yes that outfit above was entirely inspired by the film & Lissy Roddy's insta). There isn't anything clueless about that.

Stick around because I am getting my schedule back on track, so see you Friday for more clueless ramblings.

XOX

Images: All my own.

Flares Bandwagon

I have this quote on my wall which basically says "Never hate anything in fashion because in 2 years time you'll be wearing it" and honestly I felt that. For me I have never found anything more relatable to my style in well forever... 

When I heard flares were coming back into fashion I sighed a little, they weren't something I'd ever thought I could make work for me in a million years- I'm too short, too dumpy so of course they weren't going to suit me surely? Truth is I was hella wrong... Literally everywhere I looked, almost every person I saw celebrity or not seemed to have jumped on the flares bandwagon and I just couldn't get my head around why? So I bite the bullet finally and ordered myself a pair from PrettyLittleThing, they were only £12, they were petite so would hopefully fit my short self and if I really hated them then I could always send them back. 

Wow I couldn't have been more wrong...

I actually don't think I have ever felt so good in a pair of trousers before in my life! I'm generally not joking! They hug your body in all the right places and actually make you look like you've got a decent bum. Damn I think I'm in love. Normally when it comes to trousers or anything clothing wise I tend to go for the oversized fit style just because I don't hate my body but I just feel so exposed in anything fitted, I don't feel confident because I feel like all of my flaws are on display. So anything remotely bodycon style I avoid at all costs. But after ordering these flares I'm a changed woman! For the first time in my life I felt good, really good- yes my body is about as far from perfect as you can get but I have never felt more confident.

I'm not saying the flares trend is going to suit everyone body shape but if you really want to try it then I'd just say go for it. What have you got to lose?!? The worst thing that can happen will be they don't suit you, in which case you can just return them- no problemo at least you gave them a shot. 

I wore my black fares out with heeled boots and a black bandeau on Friday night and aside from feeling fab, it was the comfiest outfit I've ever gone out in- it felt like I was wearing pj's level of comfort. Although the worst thing happened on the way to the club... I tripped up and ripped them at the knee- cutting my knee in the process. It was a very sad moment in my life. First time out in them and I'd already ruined them, still I'm planning on ordering another pair to make up for it even if that extra £12 will dent my bank balance more than I wanted it too. 

A lot of shops have some great flares out there at the minute but two of my personal faves are these below:

I just think PrettyLittleThing are killing the flares game at the minute. The black ones I think I would wear both in the day and going out at night & the red striped pair are beyond perfect for a night out I've got coming up next month called Cirque- could they be more perfect? I think not! 

What are your thought on flares?

I think I may just be being more than just a little obsessed with them- order me like 10 pairs already because I think these will be a staple in my wardrobe in the upcoming months.

XOX

Images: Not my own.