just do you

With lockdown is still popping off so I thought I'd check in and see how we're all doing

I actually can't quite believe it's almost June already, I feel like this year is going so quick and slow at the same time if that makes any sense at all. Here in the UK we're still in lockdown *sighs* I think it's about week 10 and it still feels surreal if I'm completely honest. I'm majorly missing seeing friends and my grandads, having snapchat constantly reminding of uni memories from this time last year where life was full of deadlines but equally so carefree and wild is making me sad. Personally lockdown has been both a good and a bad thing for me, I am enjoying the freetime to just do the shit I ought to be doing but wasn't, like working out, obsessing over shows like One Tree Hill, hanging out with my parents again because I totally stopped doing that and I'm even becoming a bit of a chef in the kitchen (who'd have thought it). I'm getting time to read again, take my beautiful dog on the walks she deserves and just stop for a hot minute to breathe to enjoy nice days again. On the flipside I do struggle with the emptiness of not having work to constantly be doing, some days I almost feel numb waking up in the morning because I don't really have anything to do and not having anywhere to be is lowkey making me feel all kinds of crazy. I love my parents but I am massively missing friend time and it's just hard. I'm a worrier anyway but job security is on my mind a lot at the minute like I'm sure it is for most people, it's scary not really knowing if this months paycheck will be your last. I thought lockdown would get easier but I think it's a case of learning to adapt, yes it is hella strange and screentime is going up by the day but that's okay, we're all just muddling through it. 

I am craving that heat you get when you step off the plane on holiday, cliche as it probably is I've realised that pre-lockdown I wasn't really living, I was still muddling through praying the next week will go quicker than the last. I was happy but I wasn't spontaneous, having everything up in the air at the minute is making me realise that even when everything is not planned life happens anyway, you have a choice every morning, you can wake up and feel sad or you can wake up admit you feel low but make the most of the day ahead. I am a hugeeeee believer in that everything happens for a reason and whilst okay I wish corona would just end already it has made people enjoy the simpler things in life again, we don't always need to be somewhere or be doing something as long as we are healthy and happy that's all we really need. I am a self confessed shopping addict and yes I have been that girl ordering stuff over lockdown, sometimes to fill the boredom other times to give me something to look forward too but mainly because I feel it will make me happier. I guess what I'm saying is that even with all this free time I think the pressure is still there to be filling it with things. I personally do this a lot, I will make myself feel bad for only doing a few hours illustrator learning or completing hypothetical client briefs super slowly because I feel that's what I should be doing. Okay so yes I do enjoy it most of the time but when I'm not feeling it that's okay too. I guess what I'm trying to say (stop rambling Gemma) is that I think we should be listening to our minds and bodies more, do what feels good for you and don't feel otherwise, if you want to spend a day tie dyeing clothes, or chilling in front of YouTube or baking or having an online shop, then that's all okay. Do whatever you want to do to make the days feel somewhat more bearable.  

I think we're all in agreement that we can't wait for this to be over but it is also true what people say 'we'll never get free time like this again (hopefully)' so live in the moment more, don't get consumed by the news and just breathe. I've started investing so much more time into things like fitness but equally chilling out and my mind is thankful for it. There is no way right way to get through a pandemic it's just a case of figuring out what's right for you. take it day by day and don't feel guilty for doing so. 

XXX

i guess I'll take it

oh heyyyy how y'all doing? 

(If you read that in a tiktok voice then you knowwww)

But seriously I hope everyone is okay. Well I am not going to lie I've been struggling with lockdown recently, the days feel never ending and the hours get harder to fill. The tensions in my household are rising and the fallout's have definitely begun, I love my parents but if corona has taught me anything it's that I can't hack living at home much longer.
(please tell me I'm not the only one who feels like this) 

Despite that I have kinda surprised myself in lockdown, I've actually stuck to working out 5/6 days a week, I'm eating fairly healthy although the Easter chocolate is there as a support mechanism and I have actually worked on the tasks that I've been putting off for ages. Amazingly I finally think I'm getting the hang of illustrator and weirdly my biggest inspiration for artwork has been horoscopes, if I'm honest I never really believed in all that 'it's written in your stars' rubbish but since downloading the app Co-Star I've actually become a bit of a believer (and a still a true Bieber fan). Okay so I take it all with a pinch of salt but 8 times out of 10 it's relatable- like take today's rundown for instance 'feelings aren't facts' , I'm not gonna go into full details but the past few days have been a bit shitty, I seem to argue more than ever with my parents and I hate it. I can just feel the anger bubbling up inside of me and I'm really struggling to bite my tongue. The worst thing is that it's over such petty stuff, stuff that in a normal world I wouldn't even think twice about, so 'feeling aren't facts' very much relates to me at the mo. I don't know why I'm reading so much into my stars lately maybe I'm hoping it'll lead to a miracle lol but it's given me some clear headspace and some food for thought so I guess I'll take that. 

So what else have I been doing? Well of course I've been watching a lot more than usual, to be honest I'm not really a tv person like don't get me wrong there are days where I watch a lot but I like being a  proactive person and binge watching Netflix just doesn't make me feel good. That being said I have watch all of Outer Banks which I totally recommend kinda like Stranger Things minus the sci-fi mixed with surfer vibes. For some reason it gives me serious Australian vibes but it's actually set in America and I am already waiting on season 2. Last night I started watching Normal People on BBC3, originally based on a book, it's just been adapted into a series and I am really enjoying it. I still want to read the book but I couldn't resist starting the series, if you like the film One Day or Love Rosie I have a feeling you might like this. I've kinda been dipping in & out of Too Hot to Handle as well which is providing the drama in my Love Island absence. Music wise I'm still exploring new stuff this week Jeremy Zucker and Madison Beer are top of my playlist, closely followed by Lauv damn I just can't get enough of his voice. 

Workout wise ummm okay who even am I because I've been sticking to working out most days. Personally I think it's giving me a routine and almost a purpose to get out of bed in the mornings, it just makes me feel energised & ready to go (to the living room lol). I've been doing a lot of the Heather Robertson ones on YouTube, they're really good like they kill but that's what I want and I've definitely got my love for working out back. I've told myself that if I stick to working out in lockdown then whenever life gets more normal again I'll buy a gym membership so that's my motivation lol. Oh that and the fact it means I can eat more chocolate without feeling guilty- we love a balanced queen.

Of course I had to mention TikTok I mean I probably spend a good 2 hours a days on it, time just flies by on there. I have been putting my time to good use though- I have learnt a dance (granted one of the easiest but hey that's fineeee) and failed at learning many others, even tried out a few of the hacks, reworked my Nike AF1's and tested out the mirror picture shoot- SO COOL. I still want to try tie dye and potentially hair dyeing but I mean watch this space. 

That's about all really, mon-fri I'm trying to get into the routine of working out first thing, then doing work related bits for most of the day eg. training tasks, illustrator, illustrations, inspiration building on Pinterest that kinda stuff- it just keeps me in a work frame of mind I guess. Weekends are more relaxed, I still workout but the days are more chilled and evenings are catch ups with friends. I guess just keeping yourself busy is the key to this period. 

go on try out something new

xxx

Instas: 

Design account- @oh_scrambles_

Fashion account- @_lippietalk

apocalypse edit

okay where the hell to begin... 

I mean I know everyone has literally said this lately but life has suddenly felt like a movie and not in a good way. The last time I wrote on here was New Years when like everyone else I was optimistically looking forward to 2020, not only a whole new year but a new decade where anything felt possible. Here we are now, currently in April, mid lockdown here in the UK; life is on standby, both jobs I had have been furloughed, you can only leave the house for one form of exercise a day and people are stock piling toilet paper & pasta like there's no tomorrow. 

Like what the hell has actually happened to the world?!? 

I mean really you couldn't write the last few months (although yes my Tiktok obsessed self has seen the book conspiracy about this virus so maybe you can). Whilst life pre-apocalypse wasn't perfect I did start to feel like it was ever so slightly coming together. I had two jobs which despite early starts and long days I did actually enjoy, my career felt like it was somewhat starting to leave the ground. I finally brought a car (only took me 4 years after passing), beep beep after a few car drives with my dad and several heated arguments later I was off, all of sudden it was nice to not rely on other people for lifts. I had mega exciting travel plans for a tour of West coast America for the summer, which I have put off for about 3 years. And now we are in the middle of a virus pandemic that has put the world on pause. Travelling is just not a thing anymore, meeting friends is only done online and the highlight of my week is the food shop, even then it's not really a highlight because seeing people wearing plastic gloves, masks and following strict social distancing rules is kinda surreal to see. Mcdonalds, Zizzi's and my beloved Doughnotts has shut for the foreseeable, like I never thought I'd see the day Maccies shut. Tiktok has become my life (not that tbh much has changed there) from all the dances to 'I'm claustrophobic Darren' Gemma Collins memes and a failed attempt of whipped coffee hacks all can I say is that nothing matches my starbucks order. Tie dye clothing seems to be everywhere and pink hair well I haven't quite reached that point but I mean we still have a while yet... so watch this space. Please if you are a boy do not shave your head, the world isn't ready for the skinhead look. 

It's taken a global pandemic for me to actually start doing exercise, I now run 4/5 times a week- I'd be lying if I said I enjoyed it but my current love affair with the fridge has led me to this. Otherwise I'll be rolling out the house after quarantine. My skin has broken out into a zillion spots when I haven't worn makeup for god knows how long like okay sorry where's the sense in that? Netflix and I have become one; I have watched some great movies lately, Ladybird, Hot Summer Nights (I was obssessed) and not a movie but the Tiger King is hot on my radar, very strange but seriously addictive. I have also developed an unhealthy love for Timothee Chalamet (I mean come on like wow), my online shopping wishlists have double in size, and my music taste has gone down some weird indie path that I'm lowkey loving (I would now like Lauv to be the soundtrack to my life please). So although I haven't been busy I kinda have... if that makes sense. If self isolation has taught me anything lately it's that I really love illustration, I've been getting super creative again which I've missed. Inspirations have mostly come from music and films but I'm not hating that. 

The days do feel long and the past couple of days I have personally felt very unmotivated to move out of my bed, whilst I've never been fully depressed I do have a tendency to sink into a hole when I feel low and sometimes I really struggle to pick myself back up. I think that's why music and Tiktok have literally taken over my life because I just feel myself escaping life. Social distancing is hard even for a an introvert like me, living at home as an only child is strange like I mean I have video chats and constantly message friends but it's just weird to not ever be around people my own age. Life feels very lonely... obviously social distancing is super important and is ensuring you're keeping your family & others healthy and safe but it's just hard mentally. Staying positive 24/7 can be tough, taking it a day at time is a good motto to live by but I've always been someone who likes to look ahead so getting into this frame of mind is difficult but I'll get there, I mean there's no other choice. 

I don't really know what I hoping to achieve by this post today. I guess I wanted to check in, say hey and make sure that everyone is making the best of a bad situation, yes there is a lot of uncertainty and time-frames are unknown but hold on in there. We have an incredible NHS who are doing amazing and we owe a lot too, top priority is staying healthy and keeping those around you the same. Don't beat yourself up for feeling low, we're all having those days at the minute, find something to pass the time, whether that a tv show (recommendations?), exercise or baking (what is it with banana bread?) 

In the words of HSM we are all in this together. Think about the otherside. 

XXX

'it's 2020 Bish'

Okay ummm how is it 2020 already [a massive Happy New Year to all], I can literally remember 2010 like it was yesterday and now it's last decade. Oh wow time has flown by!

As per usual I thought I'd share my New Year resolutions with you all, my mindset fo the year/decade ahead, and the goals I want to set myself. So let's begin. 

Eat Clean. 

Every year without fail I set myself some form of 'lose weight goal' and pretty much it fails by end of January. 2019 my weight changed a lot, I lost pretty much a stone and a half, although I feel I'll never be happy in the weight I am, I am determined to make healthier food choices where I can this year. A lot of my weight loss was due to clean, protein based meals- a lot of vegetables, so I can noticeably see the difference when I eat clean!! That being said I love my chocolate too much so treats will still be enjoyed nevertheless so don't worry!

Make Sensible Fashion Choices.

I love clothes, I love shopping, I love trends and how style evolves, but I have realised that I need to make myself more picky when it comes to what I buy. If I can't see myself wearing it more than 10 times then I'm not buying it. Having studied fashion and working in a fashion retailer I would say I'm more aware of trends than most but I need to be careful which trends I buy into, some are for a few weeks whereas some can last years. Think ahead!



Put Time into What Makes You Feel Good.
Self care had a bit of a moment last year, in my final year of my degree I think I appreciated the 'downtime' I set aside for myself. It's okay to want to achieve big things but you need to give yourself moments to breathe. A simple nail appointment, face mask, tanning session can work wonders. If you feel good then confidence and energy comes from within.



Invest in Creative Passions that Lead to Opportunities.
Yes I am still an unemployed graduate, well I'm employed but I'm not in my grad job as of yet. 2020 this IS going to change. I can't deny it's painful getting rejection after rejection from applications, I know it's dented my confidence because now when I apply to companies I almost expect to get a no. This year [well decade] I want to invest more time & energy into my creative passions, like this blog, my YouTube, my graphic design account. I enjoy them all, it's important to continue developing my creative abilities because that's my passion and it will be my career but I just need to join the dots in-between in the meantime.

Take the Positives More.
Growing up I was always laughing and smiling, entering teenage years I guess this changed, life felt tough and focusing on the positives didn't feel like it'd solve anything. This year I'm changing my mantra, positive attitude attracts positive things, as hard as it is, I'm going to try my hardest to not to dwell on the bad stuff and focus on the good. Hopefully it pays off.

Push Myself Outside my Comfort Zone.
Trust my instincts but don't don't let them stop myself from growth, nothing comes from staying inside your comfort zone. Embrace new things and make the most of it. 2019 I definitely did things I NEVER thought I could & it paid off, I'm not quite where I want to be just yet but I can feel myself getting closer to that point.



Network.
Within any industry it helps to know people but in fashion oh boi you really need to know people. I want to use who I already know to help grow my network, collaborating more with others and learning from what other people know. 

Stop Putting Things Off.
Okay so I could always do them tomorrow but why not do it today? Unless I have an actual reason, do things today instead of tomorrow. 



Keep Myself Busy.
If the past 6 months have taught me anything it's that I need to keep myself busy, I need to have plans even if all it involves is depop organising or dog walking or wardrobe clear outs. I need to wake up knowing something that I have to do in the day ahead otherwise I just feel nothing, it's weird to explain it just helps me feel normal. I don't miss having so many stressful uni deadlines but I miss constantly having things to do.

Visit Somewhere New Once Every Month.
This can be a new cafe, city or country. I always want to travel more but realistically on my budget it's not always 'do able' but I want to visit new cities in the UK this year and I am desperate to go to America again. So lets hope I stick to this one!

Andddddd that's pretty much it. 
2020 is the year I'm going to focus on achieving my own personal goals both physically, mentally & within my career. 2019 was a incredible year after all this girl achieved her First Class Honours from university, yet equally there were so many points in both the beginning & later months of 2019 where I felt so lost. I think I focused so much on what grade I wanted to achieve that when I achieved it and finished my degree was like wow now what? I definitely discovered strength & weaknesses last year, and to make sure I'm keeping myself mentally healthy I need to keep a schedule & make time for myself. 2019 was by far not an easy ride, this time last year I was sat in a hospital bed with so many uncertainties ahead. I am proud of what I achieved last year and it for sure made me realise goals I want to achieve both short and long term. I no doubt 2020 will not be easy but it's here, there's no escaping so we've just got to make the best of it. 

xxx